t2r, the baby is due end of August. Of course he does not know and I don't blame him, he certainly is not in control of when the baby is coming. However, he is in control how to handle DD11 and her birthday and all it takes is to say:
- 'I don't know where I will be Labor Day. I am going to address it with DD11 and plan something special with her later.'
- 'I don't know where I will be Labor Day. Can I contribute to the birthday party you plan in any way.'
No problem with either one... DD11 is terribly upset that the baby might be born on her actual birthday, since she was born on 09/1 which happened to be Labor Day that year. The way he is coming off now is that DD11 does not matter. She is old enough to know that this would usually be the holiday weekend her father has her. It is difficult to watch having your child, who has tried to please her father so hard take a back seat and even if it is something as 'minor' as a birthday.
My thinking is this - he already has a stepDD who spends more time with him than DDs because OW has more custody of her daughter than her XH. He will now add another child, who will be with him (and OW) 100% of the time. DDs will come last and will spend least time with him; it is a hard pill to swallow when you are 14 and 9 when your father leaves the family...