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I suspect XW has not been feeding DD high quality food

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ProbableIceCream posted 8/9/2014 19:05 PM

So, according to XW, who has been taking care of DD for the past six weeks (summer vacation now that we're multi-state), DD has gained height but also, in XW's words, 'She has gotten chunky though.' XW theorizes that this is due to very low outside activity due to the extreme heat where she lives, which I understand.

However. After six weeks? When it's already been summer for six weeks and when she was in my care I didn't see any effect like that?

This is upsetting me a bit because it implies that DD's health is poorer.. also, during a couple years in school I was pretty chubby and I got picked on a lot for it and it sticks with me, so I don't want DD to go through that. Of course I would never say anything mean to her about her weight; I would just make sure she had good food and lots of activity (she loves to go out and do stuff).

DD pushes HARD to get junk food, and I limit it quite a bit, and it wouldn't surprise me if XW has just been giving in. There are some other possible things that could be going on, so I'm not going to say 100% that XW has been doing something wrong, but sheesh.

Oh, also she was supposed to get a checkup during the 7 weeks I was gone but it didn't happen, so I'll be setting that up here.

I am so glad I'm not married to XW any more.

This may just be irrational, but I wanted to vent because it was bothering me.

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 7:08 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]

Waiting4Daylite posted 8/9/2014 19:18 PM

Just a thought, but my girls would put on weight during the summer and by Christmas they had grown a couple of inches and slimmed down. It could just me her getting ready for a growing spurt.

ProbableIceCream posted 8/9/2014 19:20 PM

Waiting4Daylite, thanks. That could be it.

Like I said, I'm just venting. :) I'm not going to go on a witch hunt or anything.

Oh, I also remember how much it hurt when my dad used to say I was overweight like I had done something horrible. (Of course if you're familiar with me you know my dad was batshit insane and extremely abusive.) I wouldn't do anything like that to DD, ever.

nowiknow23 posted 8/9/2014 19:36 PM

Vent away, PIC. I will warn you - 8 is not too early for body changes to begin with girls these days. I know several of my DD's friends even started their periods at 8.

ProbableIceCream posted 8/9/2014 19:43 PM

Woo hoo, fun stuff!

I don't intend to treat any of these topics as shameful, but I understand they can still be difficult for kids and parents (maybe especially dads?) even under the best of circumstances. And I will continue encouraging the relationship between DD and her mom.

Nature_Girl posted 8/9/2014 19:51 PM

The children I've been watching over the summer have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. The 8-year old girl, in particular, obsesses about sugar & junk food. She hoards food, sneaks it, eats it in secret, and in every way shows signs of a significant eating disorder. In one week here she gained three pounds, according to her mother.

I try very hard to offer my children and my "summer kids" healthy food choices and outdoor activities. This 8-year old girl gained the weight while the other children did not. I suspect part of it is that she must have been eating additional food which I did not "authorize", but part of it also is probably just the way she is. Her mother told me that she was also heavy as a child, so it could be that this girl is following in her mother's footsteps.

As for an ex feeding shitty food to the kids, I've had to let that one go. My ex pumps my kids full of crap. I just have to let it go.

persevere posted 8/9/2014 21:58 PM

I understand the concern, and it could be true, but I'm glad you're open to being careful not to mention it to your DD, and to the possibility that it could just be natural.

I was slightly chunky until I hit about 12, when I "shaped" and thinned out considerably and grew a couple of inches, my DD, now 21, was the same way - and she is now a size 4 and 5'5".

So, definitely something to pay attention to, but, as you seem to realize, be careful not to give your DD a complex - positive body image and perception is so important for young girls.

ProbableIceCream posted 8/9/2014 22:01 PM

Having had a complex about this most of my life myself (and I still have one...), yeah... that's actually the main reason it was upsetting to me. I don't want her to get a complex.

And I want her to be healthy, but I think I have that covered in other ways. The reason I moved to this part of the country was to give her much more outdoor time than where we came from (high desert, pretty much stuck indoors 6 months a year).

9.10.11 posted 8/10/2014 09:24 AM

PIC, vent away! Same thing happens with my xww. When kids are with her they eat out all the time...and x works MUCH less than I do. One of my biggest complaints when married was that she was a SAHM and wouldn't cook.

Sometimes the kids and I get take out, but most of the time they want homemade meals. It's a lot of work but they do appreciate it.

My kids also went through the chunk then grow stages. It was a sign to save money to buy clothes when they started to get chunky, cause they grew like crazy shortly after.

It's hard but do your best to make all meals. It really does pay off later, HS and college.

fraeuken posted 8/10/2014 11:12 AM

PIC, vent away.

Having a food related issue too with XH, just the opposite of yours. XH and OW are total health nuts forcing supplements on the kids (what's wrong with the real thing...?)and buying only organic food which is very expensive where we live and telling DDs they have to limit themselves to one glass of milk a day or just a little bit of fruit because it costs a lot of money.... so DDs end up texting me they are hungry and they can't find food in the house. Almost every time DD17 comes back from XH's house, she will open my fridge and comment on how she loves the sight of a well stocked fridge and fruit bowl.

Since apparently carbs are inherently evil and food that is easy to make or consume such as sandwiches is below OW's standards, DDs often go to school without breakfast and snack. I can't always be there to drop school snack/lunch off, so they now both have a checking account and an ATM card so they have access to money to get lunch. I also deposited money with the after school program in case DD11 wants to eat there at times.

As for the chunky phase, we went through that as well, even with all the sports DDs are doing outside of regular PE. Around age 13, DD17 all of sudden started eating a lot more. And even with fairly healthy food, a lot more will lead to weight gain eventually. It lasted for a couple of months and then she had a serious growth spurt and slimmed down again and has been slender and athletic ever since.

All you can do is to make sure you are doing right by your DD. XW will do whatever she pleases anyhow. But it sure is upsetting at times..

Helen of Troy posted 8/11/2014 09:17 AM

XWH and OW/NW feed my teens crap too and activity level of about zero. I hate it, but have to accept it, there's nothing I can do about this.

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