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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Gave my wife an std
anothermoron
♂ 43237
Member # 43237
Stop  Posted: 7:46 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It dawns on me now that I am an irredemable [sic] c**t. She thinks that I must have cheated on her since D-day, which is not true, but she reckons she tested negative for HPV 3 months ago and positive on friday. But it no longer seems worth arguing. It's just semantics now, and she hates me more than I ever imagined I could be hated.
I think that's probably the most painful aspect, being hated. I know it should be the guilt, and the guilt is pretty bad, but it's the constant hatedness that's killing me. I have till end-August to find somewhere else to live, and she is not going to continue with my green card process which was underway (we've been married 5 years, two kids, moved to USA 2 years ago).
So...I don't really know why I'm telling you fellow sinners about this. Not much I can do about it now. I thought earlier today about transferring all my savings to my wife. Not sure if that was to asuage my guilt, make things right, or try to get her to forgive me. Anyone been this much of a c**t and managed to struggle on? Oh, and I absolutely don't understand why I'm not suicidal. It really feels like I should be. Even my wife has said that if she was in my shoes she'd want to kill herself. I slept with 16 prostitutes throughout our marriage. I thought my wife was cheating on me and used that to justify it, but I probably would have done it anyway. Seriously, does anyone have a more crappy story than this one?

Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New York
anothermoron
♂ 43237
Member # 43237
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yup, didnt think so!

Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New York
NoGoodUsername
♂ 40181
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Comparing pain and bad behavior is a fairly pointless activity here. Every one of us thrashed our relationships for really stupid reasons. Instead of looking for a prize for "worst wayward" start looking at your problems and why you have lived your life this way. Then start doing something about it.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 261 | Registered: Aug 2013
20WrongsVs1
♀ 39000
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, this isn't the FuckUp Olympics, and if it were we'd all win gold.

Being in a sucky situation of one's own making is a special kind of hell. Sorry you're in the dumps tonight.

I don't really know why I'm telling you fellow sinners about this.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Any takers? Yup, didn't think so.

Hang in there.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1263 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
theseseatsRtaken
♂ 43088
Member # 43088
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anothermoron,

You will find infinite support and wisdom here to help you rebuild yourself and, if its what you want, your relationship with your betrayed wife (BW).

But it really does have to be what you want, and honestly, your post does not read like someone focussed on repairing the damage they have done or hoping to really work on themselves. It reads like someone still obessing about how all of this impacts them, and what it means for their image or reputation. I dont see any remorse, very little guilt and no acknowledgement of your BWs pain.

So the big question is why are you here? Are you looking for your 'fellow sinners' to make you feel better and pump you back up again? Or do you really want to change yourself, your life and your future?
If you are here for the former, youre in for a rude shock. As much as the waywards on this forum are here to help and guide you through this having been through the same and much much worse (yes, there are plenty of stories worse than yours) you will find they are just as quick to confront you with hard questions that force you to look inwards and face the part of yourself that you let sleep with 16 prostitutes. That helped you justify that behaviour as ok. If you arent prepared to do that, you are really going to struggle. And I suspect your threads will go unanswered often. Having said that 15 minutes before you jump back on and assume no one is listening is a little impatient!

So, if I still have your attention, some things I want to ask from your post:

I think that's probably the most painful aspect, being hated. I know it should be the guilt, and the guilt is pretty bad, but it's the constant hatedness that's killing me.

I think you already know this is the wrong mindset if you are truly remorseful. I have always been far too focussed on how much people like me, and as such I have always reacted badly to people disliking me. But you have just completely destroyed someones entire world. And you are still stuck on how that impacts you? There will be time to look at your own pain mate, but its not now.

Not much I can do about it now.

Crap. More wrong than you can imagine. Living authentically and for more than just yourself starts whenever you choose it to. And being the new you, being real, honest and living to your true values is doing ALOT. So why arent you choosing change? Why are you choosing to live inside your own pain and play the victim here? You can do something. You can start separating yourself from your poor choices and choose to be the best version of yourself.

I thought earlier today about transferring all my savings to my wife. Not sure if that was to asuage my guilt, make things right, or try to get her to forgive me.

Giving your BW all your money is more likely to show her that you dont understand what you have done to her and that you dont value or respect her. You cant buy your way out of this. If it were possible, someone would have turned it into a business by now ad be wealthy enough to establish their own human colony on the moon. The only way through this is slow, hard and painful. You need to realise what you have done here, what the impact on your BW is, put yourself in her shoes, and then start working on yiur 'why'. Show her that she is worth doing this for. Even if you are kicked out and it ends.

BTW, you arent suicidal because you dont want to die. Simple as that. But even so, true remorse does not equal suicidal. It just means you truly feel all of the pain, your BWs and your own, and tears you up so badly that you feel like dying would be easier. Not the same as suicidal.

Why do you want to find worse stories? So you can feel better about yours? Think about that. It says alot about where you are at.

I hope you come around. Finding us is a big step in the right direction. I hope you stay and keep posting.

[This message edited by theseseatsRtaken at 10:47 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]


Me: WH 29
Her: BW 31 (RomanticInnocenc)
Our son: Almost 1!
DDay#1 Jan 8, 2014, DDay#2 Jan 10 2014
Dreaming of a brighter tomorrow, focussing on a transformative present. R is a gift. Embrace it.
I don't PM with female members.

Posts: 137 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
SlowUptake
♂ 40484
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Instead of looking for a prize for "worst wayward" start looking at your problems and why you have lived your life this way
Can't argue with this wise bit of advice.

yup, didnt think so!
You might like to start with why you feel so entitled to recieve a response in a time frame you deem appropiate.

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 11:31 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
anothermoron
♂ 43237
Member # 43237
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all, think i really just needed someone to tell me to man up and keep trying, which is exactly the advice I've previously given others on this forum. Sometimes it's just hard to see anything on the horizon that isn't bleak. However, last night I got my baby daughter sleeping through the night for the first time ever while my wife was out with her friends all night, so I'm feeling pretty darned smug today.
I know I need to spend time thinking about how I've made my wife feel. I've spent most of the past 8 months (since D day) doing that. But it's just so painful. I think my brain has learnt to stop me from doing it because it's so painful (that's not me being a pseudo-psychologist, it's a real thing). I went to a SAA meeting yesterday. Surprised at how many of the people there were just regular young men and women, not all dirty old men.
Anyway, I'm risking turning this forum into my journal, but thanks for giving me a much needed thump on the arm

Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 7

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