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Newest Member: Katie191 (61867)

User Topic: Separated and Looking for Strength and Want to be Happy Again
♀ 37704
Member # 37704
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Was trying to work things out for a year and a half of counseling and trying to rebuild trust. Although I can't say that anything infidelity wise happened, he went away for work and was drinking when he's not supposed to and lied to me about it. Drinking has always led him to do inappropriate things. Last time years ago he went away for work and drank a lot and he was flirting with the desk clerk of the hotel or at least start the conversation to which it seems she didn't take to it. Although I don't know anymore because I can't trust him.

It's been quite the battle since I told him two months ago I want a divorce. I made it clear in therapy that if he lied to me again about anything it was over. And so when he went away and was drinking and he lied to me about it, that did it for me.

Now I'm left to figure things out. Have to find a job to hopefully not lose my home. I don't want my girls to have to move, I want to deal with one traumatic thing for them at a time. He's being supportive about paying for things and such at the moment but he's getting antsy where he's staying and wants to get his own place.

I'm depressed a lot and I just sooooo want to be happy! Just have to work through all the details of the divorce, ie custody, support, etc.

Me: 37 Him: 39
D-Day 11/22/12 (Thanksgiving will never be the same)

Found out because technology is my friend not his.
Married: 14 yrs. separated: June 2014
2 kids

A lasted 2ish years.
OW: coworker

Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you talked to an attorney yet? That would be the next logical step. His "support" and guilt will only last so long and you need to protect yourself.

Me: BW-46
Him: XWH-46

Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

Posts: 5292 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so proud of you for sticking to your boundaries like this.

I'm am somewhat struggling with some of FWH's broken boundaries involving alcohol and some lies as well. I keep saying, "Well, they're SMALL breaches" but I know that I need to take it more seriously.

This shit is not easy, but you are being so brave and honest with yourself. Truly an inspiration.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♂ 36759
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

coz626, it sounds like you have made some great decisions to this point. Divorce is hard and traumatic (my kids were adults so somewhat different circumstance), there will be various stages of mourning to go through.

What I found out was that once the D was final I really started healing a lot faster. I think part of that is because once I was D, I was completely in charge of my life again. I only had to worry about my healing and I was finally O.K. with the fact there was nothing I could do to help her, she fired me.

I think in most situations in life the fear of the unknown, fear of change, are always much more difficult than the reality. You will work through the issues (custody, support, etc.) there will be ups and downs but you will get there. Then when the D is final you will be in a position to move on with your healing.

Hang in there!

Wish you the very best!


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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