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Separated and Looking for Strength and Want to be Happy Again

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coz626 posted 8/9/2014 21:11 PM

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Was trying to work things out for a year and a half of counseling and trying to rebuild trust. Although I can't say that anything infidelity wise happened, he went away for work and was drinking when he's not supposed to and lied to me about it. Drinking has always led him to do inappropriate things. Last time years ago he went away for work and drank a lot and he was flirting with the desk clerk of the hotel or at least start the conversation to which it seems she didn't take to it. Although I don't know anymore because I can't trust him.

It's been quite the battle since I told him two months ago I want a divorce. I made it clear in therapy that if he lied to me again about anything it was over. And so when he went away and was drinking and he lied to me about it, that did it for me.

Now I'm left to figure things out. Have to find a job to hopefully not lose my home. I don't want my girls to have to move, I want to deal with one traumatic thing for them at a time. He's being supportive about paying for things and such at the moment but he's getting antsy where he's staying and wants to get his own place.

I'm depressed a lot and I just sooooo want to be happy! Just have to work through all the details of the divorce, ie custody, support, etc.

persevere posted 8/9/2014 23:41 PM

Have you talked to an attorney yet? That would be the next logical step. His "support" and guilt will only last so long and you need to protect yourself.

Jrazz posted 8/10/2014 00:01 AM

I'm so proud of you for sticking to your boundaries like this.

I'm am somewhat struggling with some of FWH's broken boundaries involving alcohol and some lies as well. I keep saying, "Well, they're SMALL breaches" but I know that I need to take it more seriously.

This shit is not easy, but you are being so brave and honest with yourself. Truly an inspiration.

bigskyblues posted 8/10/2014 01:19 AM

coz626, it sounds like you have made some great decisions to this point. Divorce is hard and traumatic (my kids were adults so somewhat different circumstance), there will be various stages of mourning to go through.

What I found out was that once the D was final I really started healing a lot faster. I think part of that is because once I was D, I was completely in charge of my life again. I only had to worry about my healing and I was finally O.K. with the fact there was nothing I could do to help her, she fired me.

I think in most situations in life the fear of the unknown, fear of change, are always much more difficult than the reality. You will work through the issues (custody, support, etc.) there will be ups and downs but you will get there. Then when the D is final you will be in a position to move on with your healing.

Hang in there!

Wish you the very best!


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