BH: me (40)
I hope that somebody can help me.
My husband had an EA with a co-worker last year, from July to early December. It was more than intense, it was manic.
I have the phone bill and they were texting like crazies. Some days 100x during the work hours (I don't know how much work was done, but probably not that much), and more texting at night (till 1 in the morning sometimes). They were also emailing constantly, going for walks around the company building, and he was taking her back to her car 4x a week. On top of this there were happy hours, trip to the ice-skating, trip to a lab. And they started running every morning from mid-October.
I read some emails where my husband would arrange a walk with her, and then later on (1 to 2 hours maybe) arrange another one. I really struggle with this. I mean, after a while, you don't really have that much to say anymore, no? Don't you start to be sick of hearing/seeing the same person all the time? I get the "this person is so great I want to see her all the time", but this is too much.
I told him that if he would have been that intense with me at the start, I would have run a mile. No personal space at all.
He keeps telling me it was like being on drugs. At one point she wasn't answering his texts in the evening. Still, he carried on texting her. He tells me that just knowing that he would get a text back from her would be enough feedback. He started mimicking her type of writing. Using the same words. Using the same repetition (arrived at work ok. Off to a meeting. Meeting done. Hooray). When I read some emails, I have to look at the sender to see who wrote them. They could be from the same person.
He started also mimicking her behavior. Taking risks (gym at 9am on a Tuesday), playing the naughty school kid (sending stupid turtle pictures during meetings, texting under the desk), laughing at people, critizing the managers (and yes, he was one of them). I asked him about the risks he was taking at work. If he had any concerns, he would listen to her justifications. Any would do. 3 people told her that my husband seemed to be very chummy with her. Her answer: they need to mind their own business. His? Nobody complained to him directly. So he was fine.
My husband has had a serious personality transplant. That's the only thing I am sure of.
Just as a note, I want to add that this weird behavior started early last year. We were in the process of buying a house. He kept emailing the title company to see if we could close on the same day. Or the next day. Or the afternoon after. It was weird. We bought houses before, and he was never like this.
2013 was pretty intense for us. We had a newborn, our dog died (Jan), we bought a foreclosure (March), his dad died (April), he started a new role at his company (April),we remodeled our previous house to rent (June), our eldest daughter left for college (Aug). And of course, the icing on the cake was to find out that my husband had an affair at work (Dec).
After I found out that he was having an affair, I sent the COW a very curt email to tell her to back off and I chucked him out. He called me a few times from work crying. On January 16th he had a break-down and went on short disability leave for 10 weeks. He has been working from home since April.
Anybody could help me understand what happened to him? He's better, but still not the man I married.
WH: him (45)
5 kids. Together for 20 years.
STATUS: I need a lobotomy if I want to get over this.