20 Yrs of Infidelity with long term affair 18 yrs but only seen a couple of times a year. 3 Prostitutes, sexual Massages.Ongoing Porn. lapdances.
I think this tells you the whole story already. If there was anything "special" about her, where is it?
She is a "toy" like all the others in that list.
"Nothing can come between God and the soul." --Julian of Norwich
There was nothing special there -- APs are a dime a dozen. If she is beautiful, that will make you feel bad. If she is ugly, that will make you feel bad, too. If she appears to have a good/bad life -- same thing. No winning there!
I just spent 5 minutes comparing a picture that came up of my H's AP on facebook to a picture taken the same year last time, hoping to find, I guess, that she had what. . I don't know. . . aged more than normal? Looks worse? Is less fit?
Who knows. But, the reality is, there is no comfort to be found there. (Although I did notice that she has a somewhat unattractive, hollow & fake smile. Ha!)
But, again-- nothing special there.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 4:19 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]
Separating for my own sanity.
"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."
[This message edited by LumpyLola at 7:14 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]
I sat in WH's parking lot in a borrowed car. I knew the SUV she drove and I only vaguely knew of her from when I worked there too. I had to see her with my own two eyes.
When I finally saw her, all I can say is that I was shocked, disgusted, and left scratching my head. WH could not have picked lower in the barrel. Seven kids with seven different men and she showed all the wear even though all of her kids are in foster care because she is in unfit mother. How much more can a person puke?
That is when I realized that it wasn't about OW. It was about WH and his need for ego kibbles and glory. That's when I started wondering why I would be with a man would had an 8 year A with my sister and a 3 year A with a woman with seven kids. I realize that I'm the best he will ever do and if he wants me, it's on him to earn me back.
I met with OW at my request. I didn't want to "run into her" in town and have not already said my peace. I also was curious what was so special. WH had introduced us a month or so before DDay, but I wasn't exactly paying attention at that point.
In my case, she was beautiful, but so broken. I could see how broken she was. At the time of the meeting she was still very much in love with my WH, but he had been very clear for weeks that his feelings were gone/done, it was over, and that she needed to make it work with her BS. I didn't get what I wanted from the meeting, buy I was still glad I did it.
So, the good-
-she confirmed to me that WH had clearly told her I was his priority and that he would have nothing more to do with her.
-I got to see her and get the imaginery wild images out of my head.
-I got to see her brokenness
-I got to hand deliver a letter to her
-WH was very disappointed with how she handled things and treated me...this helped with the emotional break for him
-WH got to see JUST how strong I am
-This made OW very uncomfortable
-I didn't get the closure I wanted
-I didn't get the apology I deserved
-I now have real, not imaginary images in my head
-After the meeting, my anger turned from her to WH...no more unknown person to place all my anger on
-Well, although it is fairly uncommon for APs, she is beautiful AND thin...older than both WH and me but aged very well.
Only you can make the right decision for you. Take your time. I wish you the best.