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Prohibiting DS to be in presence of OW?

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StrongAndCapable posted 8/10/2014 12:20 PM

Is there a way I can legally prohibit my son to be in the presence of the OW? She is not a danger to his physical well being, that I know of, but certainly a threat to his emotional well being. I think it's too hard for a four year old to comprehend the situation and my WH is only concerned about his thrills, not what's best for our son. Can you think of any loopholes that could prohibit WH from having the ability to introduce DS to OW? We live in another state, maybe something having to do with not crossing state lines? WH is trying to get me to agree to allow him to take our son to his 20 yr high school reunion in October, and the OW will be there with her kids too.

newlysingle posted 8/10/2014 13:21 PM

Ugh, I feel your pain, but this is a battle you're not going to win. You can't dictate who he brings around your son in his parenting time unless they present a valid danger. Like being a registered sex offender or something.

Many of us have been in your shoes and you just have to let go. My XH moved from my house right in with his whore and threw her right in my kids' faces immediately. My kids were 5 and 9 months at the time. Their dad also appears to cross dress with the full support of OW. I still can't keep the kids from those losers.

Your son will know you are his mother. Just be the stable loving, presence he needs. That always wins out over some cheap OW.

Jls0320 posted 8/10/2014 15:04 PM

Can you talk to your lawyer? Mine is putting in our divorce papers that ex's whore can not be around the children

StrongAndCapable posted 8/10/2014 17:02 PM

Jls, what kind of verbiage is used to state that the child may not be in the presence of the OW?

Jls0320 posted 8/10/2014 17:16 PM

Not sure yet as my H was just served last wk, but I believe it will be some type of morality clause and will just state "children are to not be exposed to woman by name of XXX, or have any other person of the opposite sex over during visitation periods" he can do the same but since he does not have a lawyer I don't see him fighting me on it. Good luck!

GreatRoleModel posted 8/10/2014 17:22 PM

Couldn't do anything about the kids meeting her but was able to put in a provision about overnights. Until the kids are 18 he cannot have OW spend the night in the same home until they are engaged and then has to be in a separate bedroom. Only if they are married can she share a bed with him. This rule also applies to me but I do not have impulse control issues. This has prevented vacations together and playing happy family. The times she has come to visit (lives in another state)she has stayed at a hotel. Now they know when they are not at his house she stays there and they go on vacations but not with the kids!

newlysingle posted 8/10/2014 17:22 PM

Well yes, you can put language in a decree about not allowing sleepovers with OW, etc., but it is impossible to enforce. He can do it anyway, and you won't have any recourse. A judge isn't going to say much other than tell you to get over it. Remember, the courts are unemotional about all of this. They don't care that this woman was the OW. They are going to see her as a non-threat to the child if she has no criminal background.

Just know, they you can say whatever you want about morality in a divorce decree, but they aren't enforceable. I wanted one too initially, but my attorney warned that me that are not enforceable and can actually make you look bad. Like you're the petty one that can't just move on and put your kids first.

It sucks I know, but this isn't something you can control.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 5:23 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]

Futurefear posted 8/10/2014 20:45 PM

Ugh! I totally can feel your pain!!
I don't want the OW around my kids either as she is just waiting to fill the role as stepmom as she easily gained the 'wife' role...
My attorney said that we can ask for no overnight guests x 6 months and no introducing opposite sex 'friends' x 6 months but realize that they are not enforceable and he will fight me on it.

Guess we just have to swallow our pride and be the best parents that we can and hope/pray that our children will see through this bullshit when they are older!

(((hugs to you)))

Abbondad posted 8/10/2014 20:50 PM

I'm very sorry. I went through this too when working on the Parenting Plan, but my lawyer also gave it to me straight: it's just not enforceable. Terribly painful, but just one of the many layers of the proverbial shit sandwich we have been served.

Better to hold your head high, smile big during the child exchanges, and be the best parent you can be.


lknup posted 8/10/2014 21:52 PM

My parenting plan states no unmarried people of the opposite sex may stay overnight unless the other party gives written permission. No names mentioned and also applies to me. He already asked for written permission for OW and I refused. It didn't stop him from telling the kids she lives there, but she sleeps elsewhere when he has the kids. It is a hill I am prepared to die on and STBX knows it. We agreed to this during mediation without lawyers.

Eta: I know this is not really enforceable, but better than nothing IMO.

[This message edited by lknup at 8:33 AM, August 11th (Monday)]

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