Welcome to SI.
Thank you for your service.
1) It's not time that heals, but the work we do during the time. Pain lingers when not processed. Have you and your wife taken on IC?
2)Her paranoia tells me she has not strengthened herself yet. This may leave her vulnerable to having another affair, if not cause general difficulties with your recovery. IC could help her.
3) Is your DD yours? Have you worked through this question?