tfkeel - Please, if you ever discover the reason for this sort of behavior contact me IMMEDIATELY! LOL.
I don't mean to make light of your situation at all, believe me. Because my wife shut down on me physically as well during the last two years that we were living together & I've never gotten an honest answer out of her as to why.
Even more than that, during the two years now that we've been separated, she's occasionally dropped ideas like the two of us arranging "sex dates", the idea that reconciliation isn't far away should I desire it & other similar things just to keep my thoughts, emotions, desires pointed in her direction... which, have led to absolutely nothing.
The last time that the two of us had sex was in October of 2010. Since that time, she's had at least three relationships that I know of. Two while we were still together & then she spent from November of 2012 until April of this year actually living with another guy.
I've wasted almost four full years worrying about what she's been up to, while I've been celibate waiting around for her. Insane, right?
Don't I know it.
But, when you have someone totally playing with your heart & your head, time F**king flies my friend. And, if you're not careful it gets away from you & then, you find yourself having completely wasted the equivalent of a full Presidential term or the period between the summer Olympics.
And, even as much as it's been the ruination of my self esteem, if I step back & take an impersonal look at myself & the other men that she's cheated on me with & had relationships with during our separations ( oh yeah, this is my second trip to this rodeo! ), they're not better looking than me, they're not more caring than me & they're certainly not more intelligent than me ( And yes, just so it doesn't seem as if I'm being the least bit egotistical here, I've had others, whose opinions I trust, confirm these things including members of her own family ) & yet she STILL chooses them over me.
Who knows why?
I doubt whether even she has a solid reason why, because, honestly, they've been a pretty sorry lot for the most part.
If I run down the list of men that she's had inappropriate relationships/affairs/dated during our separations they've been a next door neighbor with a plethora of missing teeth, Two men twenty years older than her, another one thirty years older than her, two guys that were/are fairly intellectually challenged, two former crack heads & a guy that she met in the psych ward ( no, I'm not denigrating those with psychological issues either because I'm bipolar myself, but this guy suffered from both a VERY borderline personality disorder & was schizophrenic as well ). And not a one of them was even a moderately handsome man by all accounts.
Now who knows? Maybe they were all hung like horses , but I doubt it.
In fact, in my wife's version of the truth, she only ever slept with ONE of them & that was during our initial separation. I have evidence that clearly states otherwise in her own handwriting, but that's another story I suppose...
The point being that sometimes there aren't any answers forthcoming. sometimes whatever REALLY drives a cheating spouse to do what they do is such a well guarded secret that they'll very likely never admit to it. Some of them, not even to themselves.