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Amgoing crazy and am 8 months pregnant!!!

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michelle417 posted 8/10/2014 17:56 PM

I have been with my husband for 11 years, married for 6. We have a son together and another one on the way(am 8 months pregnant). I have a daughter from a previous marriage which he has been raising since she was almost 2 years old. Almost a month ago my husband tells me he needs space to think. I was completely floored, i am a high risk pregnancy and hes coming to me with this bullS**t. My gut instinct tells me there was more to his story so i snooped. I found facebook messages to a woman that just left to her home country (she was in the US as a student). He went to see her the day before she left, he lied to me about where he was. Then i see a message that i couldnt fully read because he took his phone from me which she said "she was thinking about the kiss". When i confronted him he made some excuse about the kiss being during a karaoke song(which i dont believe). He locked his phone, changed all his passwords and sneaks off to the bathroom with his phone. I have continuously asked him if hes still talking to her since i cant look anymore and he said that "he barely talks to that girl". Today i saw messages going back and forth talking about how hes thinking about her and shes told her parents that she wants to come to Miami to live next year. They are sending pics to each other. I also asked him if there was anything more than the kiss and he said no (i dont believe)I have asked him to stop talking to her and he flat out said "no". That they arent talking about anything bad but again he is lying. I dont know what to do. If i wasnt pregnant i would have told him to leave but i feel like i need him here. I feel like this person isnt my husband. Im going crazy here. I cant eat (have actually lost weight), cant sleep. My daughter which is 12 has even noticed a change in him. I dont know what to do....

hardtimesinlife posted 8/10/2014 18:14 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this ut glad you found us.

At the very least he is having an emotional affair (EA) and probably a physical one based on the kissing text you read.

First, you need to eat and keep yourself hydrated. Drink a nutrition shake and drink plenty of fluids. Your daughter can help you here.

Second, read the healing library articles in the top left box. You are not alone. There are several people here who just found out and are pregnant. It's a special sort of hell, I'm sure.

The weekends are slow so don't be discouraged.

Is there anyone in your family you could confide in to help you? I know people will be along with really great advice for you. In the mean time look for the other threads that are close to your sitch.

I'm sending big welcoming hugs to you.

Skan posted 8/10/2014 18:21 PM

Welcome. I'm so sorry that your jackass of a WH (wayward husband) has given you the reason to be here.

Your first priority is to your unborn child, your second to your DD, and your WH can essentially fend for himself. Please also read every thread on the first 3 pages of this forum that have red "targets" next to them. All good information by people who have BTDT. You will need this knowledge because most waywards act in totally predicable ways, just like your WH is.

Monday, please call your OB/GYN, tell them whats going on, and ask for a total STD/HIV workup immediately. This is VERY important to you and your baby. Walking out the door right now but wanted to let you know that you have been heard.

michelle417 posted 8/11/2014 09:49 AM

Thankyou. It's just getting harder everyday. It's not suppose to be this way.

CB217 posted 8/11/2014 11:16 AM

I found texts on my H phone when I was 7 months pregnant. I had made him a special birthday dinner that he didn't even come home for, then he came home late and drunk off his ass, and passed out on the couch. He had sent his boss a lot of sexual texts while he was at the bar with her, even asking about having sex.

He still says he doesn't remember, but I have a hard time believing he would wake up & delete texts & still be in a black out.

My DD in 2 weeks old now & we're talking through our problems still. We had started MC, but I said no more until he does IC to examine possible sex addiction. I've been going to my own IC and started immediately after DDay, which I would strongly recommend you do. I've talked with friends and my H's step mom about him cheating, but there's so much more you can tell a counselor without having to filter anything.

It's really important that you take care of yourself first right now. Writing everything out can go a long way for organizing your thoughts. My head has been an absolute mess trying to handle everything on top of the already physical & emotional strain of having a baby. If you can't talk to him, write him a letter.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He's robbing you of what should be a special and exciting time. Do whatever you can to take that time back for yourself, your baby, and your DD. Whether you work things out or not with your H, he is truly missing out on this time and will regret it.

LumpyLola posted 8/11/2014 18:22 PM

Wow, that is really selfish of him to inflict this kind of pain on you at this stage in your pregnant. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

This "girl" that told her parents about coming to live in old is she? Does she even know he's married? What about her parents - can you find out who they are and try speaking to them? They may not even know their daughter is getting mixed-up with a married man.

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