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StealReeling posted 8/10/2014 18:12 PM

My WS has never come clean or discussed anything about his A. Tells me it was only texting and phone calls but I don't believe anything he tells me. Found another contact name on his Skype I didn't know which was contacted on July 20th. I texted him at work asked who this person was and the answer was, "I don't know." That night out of the blue he went into a rage about this was getting old me checking up on him and looking at his stuff that he was going to put passwords on all of it. He called his mom and told her the same as he told the OW it was all my fault for his betrayal. Made the most ugliest comment yet to me. I have some lymphedema in my left arm from a breast lumpectomy with lymph node removal 2 years ago. Told me he was going to buy me a watch and asked the sales clerk if he could get an extra links for the chain. Told me he started to tell her my arm was as big as a man's arm and thought that was funny. Told me I needed to get my hair done and dye it to a strawberry blond and guess what color his OW's hair color is!?!

caregiver9000 posted 8/10/2014 18:25 PM

I physically flinched at his words to you. I am so sorry! His anger at you is unacceptable. Perhaps he is feeling guilty/ashamed of his behavior and lashing out at you, but unacceptable all the same.


BtraydWife posted 8/10/2014 18:42 PM

When an unremorseful ws complains of your behavior, take it as a sign that you are on the right path. He is still hiding stuff. You don't have the full truth yet. Don't let his ugliness distract you. Telling his mother, nasty comments to outsiders, all an attempt to stop your search for truth.

Get ready. He's going to do anything he feels necessary to protect his ego. Right now, you are the enemy as far as he's concerned.

You won't get far with his attitude. Can you put the 180 on place and focus on you?

Kajem posted 8/11/2014 06:18 AM


He is doing all he can to distract you from getting to the truth that he wants hidden.

It's still no reason for him to treat you so horribly.

If you can do the 180 it will help you not buy into his lies.
It will also help you know your truth in this horrible situation.


Daisy312 posted 8/11/2014 07:24 AM

I have a very remorseful FWH and I'm having a very hard time staying M to him. How can you stay with a man that would betray you an then blame his issues of inadequacy on you? Like I said I'm not in your situation, so it's easy for me to say this, but IMO I don't think it matters what details you discover. If he's not giving you them, isn't remorseful, then he doesnt deserve you! Maybe the 180 would make him come around but if not, you do not deserve to be blamed for his As or be verbally beaten!

NeverAgain2013 posted 8/11/2014 07:31 AM

That night out of the blue he went into a rage about this was getting old me checking up on him and looking at his stuff that he was going to put passwords on all of it. He called his mom and told her the same as he told the OW it was all my fault for his betrayal.

What is this guy - 15 years old, calling his mommy and tattling on you and telling her how YOU drove him to his scumbag behavior? Good Lord.

You know, you can choose to be this repulsive jackasses' verbal punching bag for the rest of your life, or you can choose NOT to be.

It's not his decision.

It's yours.

StealReeling posted 8/11/2014 18:36 PM

Thanks for the comments and I have made plans! I can't take anymore of the verbal and emotional abuse and rages. I have to get things lined up for a place to stay. I had been out of work for 4 months and had to use my savings to pay bills which he only works 24 hrs a week. I set him up last week with a non traceable number. Asking him if he had left his wife yet, that he was missed. He didn't come clean about. He tried calling and texting the number on his iPAD but never received an answer then he texted his OW asking if she sent him a text. I left him a text on his iPad are you that desperate and hoping she will start texting and calling him again. How could I ever learn to trust him again. He swears he's not going to IC or MC. Ok live with your nasty self!! I can't even mention anything without the anger rages then deny he has a problem!!

Trying2LoveAgain posted 8/11/2014 19:59 PM

How horrible and mean! You do not deserve this treatment! HE apparently has a lot of problems! Please take care of YOU! He doesn't deserve you!

Prayers for courage & strength! You deserve more!

blindsided81 posted 8/11/2014 20:08 PM

You do not deserve this treatment. He is not being honest and you deserve better. I am new at all this, but I recognize a person refusing to accept responsibility. Go with your gut and do what you think is best.

amanda123 posted 8/12/2014 15:28 PM

Hi Steal, ((hugs)) we hear you, I can see lots of similarities with my story, why and how they can be such bastards is really beyond my comprehension. How dare he make fun of your situation, that is such an extremely low act. Dont dye your hair unless you want to. Tell him that if he likes the color so much then he can dye his own hair.
I am still snooping and honestly I cant say that I have found anything, as I have said he made me this way, just the same as your WH did to you.
Water off a ducks back!! Dont let his stupid comments get to you. I know it sounds childish but I found that it was a justifying enjoyable moment, after he had lost quite a bit of weight that it made him look a lot older.(' ') I think that my downfall was not fighting back and just taking everything on the chin. He needed to come down a peg or two, he is a very good looking man and in a job where he comes across a lot of people everyday, obviously has a big ego to match so this comment got to him, ha! I say take your own medicine!
I think that once you have decided you have had enough of this kind of bull.... and you walk out on him, this actually affects their egos, they like to be the ones running the show and they were the ones planning on leaving us, so when you turn it around and say im leaving your sorry ass its a shock to them. Dont be surprised if he suddenly starts doing a song and dance wanting you to stay and he will change and do whatever you want.
The decision is totally yours, and you have the power.

StealReeling posted 8/12/2014 18:17 PM

I did pack my bags last Wednesday after he went to work and text him saying not coming back except for my stuff once I get a place but checked my banking account and had only $77 that would not even pay for one night's stay in motel room. He started texting me to come back home, never apologizing for his behavior. I came home but payday is coming soon!! I don't say much to him.

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