SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

recentguy posted 8/10/2014 18:43 PM

In trying to move beyond discovery into reconciliation found WS had lied for last 8 weeks. I had asked for details about how often they met since it was a long distance affair. Found she had colluded with him during first weeks of discovery to mislead me. Nothing that changed was that significant (mostly how often). Also no contact since first 5 days of discovery between them. But revelation of new lies rocked me.

Not.the.Big.Easy posted 8/10/2014 18:57 PM

Welcome to the home that nobody wanted to be in. I'm sorry that you have to be here. You should probably be prepared for revelations of new lies for a while. Even when the WS is remorseful, the truth often comes slowly. If they aren't, it'll be worse than waiting in line at the DMV.

About the best advice that anyone here will give you is to take care of yourself first. Always remember that you are not crazy, and you did nothing to deserve this.

I hope that everything works out for the best for you.

BtraydWife posted 8/10/2014 18:57 PM

She didn't commit to R, just lied about it. You can't make her want it. You can offer R with your list of requirements. If she agrees then she needs to fully commit 100% to all of your requirements. Anything less than that is a "NO" for R.

The hardest part is believing her if she won't commit. Don't let her drag you on as plan b for the future. She's your wife and she's committed, yes or no, on the spot. If she asks for time to think things over, that's also a no to R. She has to want this, not just be convinced she should do it. Or the lies and betrayal will just keep happening.

tushnurse posted 8/10/2014 21:27 PM

Welcome to the club no one ever planned to join.

You will find tons of great info and folks that really care here. Up to the left you will see the library. Read through it. There is great info.

There are a few things I tell every newbie here and I firmly believe that even if you think you have the full truth you need to be prepared for the worst and assume that truth is not what they say. For that reason you need to be proactive in protecting yourself.

See an attorney. Find our your rights her responsibilities.
Seeby our Dr get a full STD work up. Tell your Dr what going on. If you aren't able to sleep or eat talk to your Dr about pharmaceutical support to help get you through. Malnutrition and sleep deprivation make emotional control very difficult.

You have every right to demand whatever you think is needed to feel safe. You have every right to not trust your partner. You have every
To ask for whatever you need to consider r.

Read, post, know that we have been there.

Time Ticks On posted 8/10/2014 23:08 PM

We called that tickle truth or TT. You slowly find out more and more. Usually the WS will say that they do it to protect the BS, really they are protecting themselves. In my case, my husband didn't want me to know just how low he has sunk and he was afraid it all at once would have made me hurt myself. TT is sheer torture. I would rather have known the full truth at once than in drops.