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I am sick of my job, the in patient service, the sick patients I cannot help, the families who don't give a shit. I'm sick of being on call and being woken up all the time. I'm sick of trying to remain upbeat for the students and residents.

I'm really sick of continuing to run into OW (if you were wondering why this is in general and not OT) every damn time I'm on weekend call. I'm stressed and sleep deprived and sad by patients I can't save and then I have to look at her greasy ass hair and ugly face and pretend in front of the residents and students that she's no one.

I'm tired of my providers and coworkers acting like we are in damn jr high. Act like a fucking adult. No? Well shit now HR is involved and I have to talk with my chair to a friend/employee who cannot seem to control her behavior.

I'm sick of black kids getting shot, Arabs and Jews killing each other and other assorted things.

I think I'm just tired.

(((purple)))

Your job is very emotionally draining. I don't think I could handle seeing what you see day in and day out. You are limited in your powers to save and powers to persuade. I suspect that many a teacher can understand the struggling to make a difference. If you do continue in this job, do your best. For some patients that might just be making sure they are pain free for their last few moments or it could be someone that survives because of your abilities.

And while I doubt you've ever treated me. I rest at night knowing that good people like yourself are there if I needed it. So remember this gift of peace that you are part of even though it isn't obvious. As well as the good you do by teaching/training the next wave.

(((hugs)))

You sound depressed. You know, it's LOT- what you do, what you take on daily and try NOT to let it have an impact on you. Do you have some vacation time coming up soon?? Personal days??? Because you need a break and it looks like you need it now. Remember that you can't take care of others if you aren't taking care of yourself, first.

(((pj)))

(((((hugs))))) GREAT. BIG. SYMPATHETIC (((HUGS)))

Some days it is just too much. Nothing is different, nothing has changed, but on this day, it all seems lined up to defeat us.

What never ceases to amaze me, is that in spite of days like today, people like you keep on going and within a few days, your optimism and good cheer are back and astounding.

Doctor, heal thyself? I hope you can get some sleep. I know not enough sleep is the fastest route to the discouragement track for me.

Vent away, my friend. You have plenty of cause to be "sick and tired." I understand.

((Purple jacket))

Sometimes, when big things happen, other big things need to occur- change of jobs, join the peace corp, I don't know what but is there any way you could make your life very different?

After my affair hubby and I considered having another baby. Kind of regret not doing that. Maybe a distraction, but maybe something else to look forward to. Just a thought..,

(((hugs)))

Do you have some vacation time coming up soon?? Personal days??? Because you need a break and it looks like you need it now.

This was my first thought also. PJ, you sound burnt out. Maybe you're just tired and a good night's rest will cure your ickiness......but seriously consider taking a break. You are a wonderful and compassionate doc and the world at large needs you to be operating at full capacity. You can't do that if you're so burnt that you think everything sucks and is not worthwhile.

Take care of you, lady.

Purple, take some "me" time, if possible. You're in a profession that's physically and emotionally draining. It's a special person to be able to see what you see every day and NOT be affected by it. You are a HUGE asset here on SI, so I k.ow you are at your hospital. You make a huge difference. Every. Day.I am in awe, truly, of your caring and dedication and, yes, even your rant! Take a bubble bath and have a bottle of wine. You rock! Just so you know!

((((Dr. PJ))))

Maybe a change in vocation is due? Can you go into private practice? Or into research? Or into teaching at the college or medical school level?

I'm a phlebotomist---pretty much the lowest in the healthcare feeding chain----but I get very sick of patients and their families, too. I always know when I'm ready for a break.

Actually I'm ready for a permanent break so I'm studying in another field.

Hang in there, Doc.

(((purplejacket4)))

Venting, yes. Whining, no.

((HUGS))

I agree that a break of some sort is in order. Be it vacation or a change of career.

I don't know how you deal with running into OW at work. I couldn't handle that. I'd be the one in trouble with HR at that point!

Those who are best at jobs like yours are taken advantage of by so many people. Telling you to grow a thicker skin about the things you can't control is futile. You do care, it's an integral part of who you are.
Vent away. Take some me time, a massage, a nice bottle of your favorite wine. Lean on your spouse. Just say no to the leaches in your life.
You are a remarkable woman and obviously have boundless PJ to give. But it isn't infinite. Give to yourself first. You are worth it.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 12:32 PM, August 11th (Monday)]

Burn out alert! Depression alert! Rat race alert! With OW exposure, too, yuck. What are some options for change? If you don't see any, see your IC. ((((Big Hug))))

Thanks guys.

My 80 hour shift is over. I can get some sleep now. I'm dreading this disciplinary meeting tomorrow as much as the person getting disciplined. I hate having to take people out to the woodshed. Sigh.

The bad thing is I just got off two weeks vacation before all this mess started. Part of my problem is I haven't been to IC in six weeks (she canceled last one sick). I can't vent too much to my best friend (colleague of person in trouble) or fWS (ex collegue). The medical field is too small here and I just don't have many friends outside medicine. Even my mom is friends with the doc in trouble. I was too before I was promoted over her. Sigh. That just fucks everything up.

[This message edited by purplejacket4 at 12:40 PM, August 11th (Monday)]

Hey there doc. Sorry to hear you being down. Good to vent and get it out. I agree with Moo. Your job is one that is very emotionally draining especially considering you have to see OW from time to time when that's really extra time above and beyond for you. Exhausting.

Let me say this to you. I think people like you, and you in particular, represent the best of what humanity has to offer. The sacrifices you make in your profession are above and beyond what most people have to do. You have even helped me as well as many others here. I know you may not see that good side of humanity as much because that good side IS you. I appreciate you and all the sacrifices that you make in your life. Thank you.

yop

Ok I'm a whole new person today!

The meeting c my subordinate went much better than expected.

My patient did pass but was surrounded by family. A few people were even healed and went home.

On a funny note when I was in my chair's office he got an email from OW because she has been put in charge if a new inter professionalism committee at the HSC. Per fWS she thinks my chair thinks she's great and when every thing blew up she was like... That's fine dr. C finds out because he liked me as much as purplejacket4. Well today he reads her email and full name out loud (butchering her German last name). I played dumb. Who's that? Says I. "Just some inconsequential chick in the speech path department!" Made. My. Day.

(((PJ)))

I find coming back from Vacation more trying than before. It's kind of a let down that yup it's the same olé shit not enough staff, not enough support care dictated by shit people read off the Internet or Dr oz.

Glad things went well. Your will be back into the swing of things and then it won't seem quite so bad

(((And strength))))