So, my wife and I were married for 4yrs 11months and a handful of days before I found out her lies (our 5 year is August 14). I have been suspicious and so I did go snooping around in her purse. She had changed and these new "girls nights" were getting out of hand, she slept at our house 5 times over the course of 14 nights and most of them were coming home around midnight and just wanting to go to sleep. Just FYI, I knew my wife had a past with women when I married her. She said that was a part of her life that was over and she did not want to go back down that road (lies). We have only ever had one fight during our marriage and things have never seemed to be all that "bad". So after looking through her purse 2 weeks ago I found the love letters from her female boss!! This is someone who she introduced to me as a friend. I have been to her house, fed her (in my house) and even worked on her car! Feeling like I got slapped in the face with all this! Well, I did not want to confront her right then and there. It was late and we both had to be to work the next morning.
That night was hell! Couldn't sleep next to her for fear I would kill her. Ended up on the couch all night. Played it cool that morning as we got ready for work and told her I loved her. That day was a whirlwind of emotions. My Mother came to console me. Broke down at work and spilled the beans to everybody there. Their advice was to run! My mother was basically the same, file for divorce ASAP and get her out of you life.
Once I got home she was there and I told her we needed to talk. I would give her a minute and I wanted to change out of my work clothes and into something comfortable. I told her that I saw the love letters and that I knew she was having an affair. She admitted to it! Said she was sorry but she was not in love with me anymore and had fallen DEEPLY in love with the other person. I asked her if she would have any desire to save the marriage and go to counseling and her reply was no. I filed the next day: July 29, 2014. We did talk for about 2 hours and I gave her plenty of time to change her mind and try to save our marriage... no. She said that the marriage had gotten stale and boring, that I had given up. Well, she had given up about 2 years ago and I kept trying. Let's go do this, let's do that, lets get bikes so we can ride together... Lets have sex!! The sex basically stopped 2 years ago. The only time she was interested was when she was drunk (about 5 times in the last 2 years). So After a year of being told no and being turned down by my wife I also just GAVE UP trying. We have basically lived as roommates that sleep in the same bed ever since. I told her to get her stuff out by the end of August and for the sake of being a "nice Guy" give her that week to prepare and pack for:
So, for the last week she has been volunteering at a youth camp (religious youth camp at that). I have not had to see her or speak with her but have seen her on Facebook at the same time almost every night most likely chatting with her lover. It has been hell.
Now she is back in town. I'm guessing about 4 hours at this point. I'm sure I know where she is and exactly what she is doing... The other happily married female she went with is already home and posting updates on FB, so I know she has to be back. She was the first friend that my wife told.
I'm a mess. I am going to a counselor through work but I only get 6 sessions and then I have to find somewhere else. I can barely eat, cant sleep and I'm just depressed. I know it's not my fault. I don't know what friends I have after all this. I have reconnected with my old "Drinking Buddies" from my single days, some were my groomsmen. But our mutual friends?? I really enjoyed their company and friendship and now I don't want to be "that guy". If they are going to still be friends with or side with my wife, fine. But I did nothing wrong in this. My old buddies are all supportive but some are not the crowd that I need to be hanging with again. I'll start spending every night back sitting at a bar.
Just looking for advice. I found the site because of a similar post that turned up on Google. I want to work things out, really I do. I still love her and if she were to make the effort we could get back to what we had, I know we could. We were a unstoppable duo! People used to come to us for relationship advice because of how great our marriage was! I really only filed to try and shock her into changing her mind, that might have backfired on me! But, I'm not backing down on the divorce unless she shows signs that she wants to save what we had. Thank you ahead of time!