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Newest Member: RoreverBlue (61146)

User Topic: Breakups in person vs phone vs text vs proofing
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Opinions and experiences please! After how many dates is some sort of official dismissal/breakup required? And in what form? I have been dumped in person, by phone, and by poof, but never by text. Is it ok after only one or two dates to text someone to say its not going to work out? I've also had it end in a slow fizzle, where the communication just started decreasing to the point it was obvious it was over.
I hope it's obvious I'm talking about fairly brief relationships. I think anything getting up around three months needs to be done in person.
I'm curious what other daters expect or have experienced.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

Posts: 984 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Assuming that one is not in physical danger or separated (e.g. long distance relationship), this is what I believe:

If you have a *relationship* with someone, in that it is a commitment then I believe it deserves an in person discussion.

If you have gone on a few dates and nothing committed, then I think you owe the person a conversation on the phone.

One or two dates but not feeling it, I think it's fine to send a text that you're not feeling it.

If you're just texting and get a weird vibe, poofing acceptable.

If someone is violent or makes you feel unsafe or is offensive (e.g. dick picks as the second message) I think that poofing is perfectly acceptable.

Just my own views.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:04 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15606 | Registered: Jun 2006
♀ 19334
Member # 19334
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think after a date or two texting would be fine. I'd say 3 dates or more a phone call.

Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 1747 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: East Coast
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not really a breakup if you've only had a few dates since there was never really a real 'together' to break.

I think a text or email is fine in these cases. Why draw it out and force the other person to dwell on the rejection or failure. I used a simple, 'I'm not feeling a romantic match...good luck' type of email.

With my SO after 7 months we had a serious talk on the phone and broke up. Then we met in person for a stuff exchange and a bittersweet goodbye.

BS, 56 years
D-day 6-2-08
D after 20 years
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

Posts: 6650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Red Sox Nation
♂ 26358
Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes something happens, even after quite a few dates, and a moof is perfectly understandable and spontaneous.

(moof = mutual poof).

Really, you don't owe anyone anything until you're married or living together or you have a kid together. After that, in person is best. Until that, whatever seems appropriate to the reason for the breakup.

When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1921 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I try to never poof. If I'm not interested after the first or second date, I send a text message. Once it hits the third date, I either do it on the phone or in person.

Posts: 1758 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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