SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Breakups in person vs phone vs text vs proofing

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Tripletrouble posted 8/10/2014 19:57 PM

Opinions and experiences please! After how many dates is some sort of official dismissal/breakup required? And in what form? I have been dumped in person, by phone, and by poof, but never by text. Is it ok after only one or two dates to text someone to say its not going to work out? I've also had it end in a slow fizzle, where the communication just started decreasing to the point it was obvious it was over.
I hope it's obvious I'm talking about fairly brief relationships. I think anything getting up around three months needs to be done in person.
I'm curious what other daters expect or have experienced.

hurtbs posted 8/10/2014 20:03 PM

Assuming that one is not in physical danger or separated (e.g. long distance relationship), this is what I believe:

If you have a *relationship* with someone, in that it is a commitment then I believe it deserves an in person discussion.

If you have gone on a few dates and nothing committed, then I think you owe the person a conversation on the phone.

One or two dates but not feeling it, I think it's fine to send a text that you're not feeling it.

If you're just texting and get a weird vibe, poofing acceptable.

If someone is violent or makes you feel unsafe or is offensive (e.g. dick picks as the second message) I think that poofing is perfectly acceptable.

Just my own views.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:04 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]

completeshock posted 8/10/2014 20:04 PM

I think after a date or two texting would be fine. I'd say 3 dates or more a phone call.

InnerLight posted 8/10/2014 20:13 PM

It's not really a breakup if you've only had a few dates since there was never really a real 'together' to break.

I think a text or email is fine in these cases. Why draw it out and force the other person to dwell on the rejection or failure. I used a simple, 'I'm not feeling a romantic match...good luck' type of email.

With my SO after 7 months we had a serious talk on the phone and broke up. Then we met in person for a stuff exchange and a bittersweet goodbye.

Red Sox Nation posted 8/10/2014 21:29 PM

Sometimes something happens, even after quite a few dates, and a moof is perfectly understandable and spontaneous.

(moof = mutual poof).

Really, you don't owe anyone anything until you're married or living together or you have a kid together. After that, in person is best. Until that, whatever seems appropriate to the reason for the breakup.

Lonelygirl10 posted 8/10/2014 22:09 PM

I try to never poof. If I'm not interested after the first or second date, I send a text message. Once it hits the third date, I either do it on the phone or in person.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.