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Hopeful74 posted 8/10/2014 21:33 PM

Anyone else experience this? I am so anxious thinking about doing the simplest of things. Shopping is probably the biggest for me. I have been out a few times and enjoyed myself, but, for some reason, shopping makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if it is the idea of buying things (even groceries), knowing that he is not here to share with, or if I am nervous about money now that I no longer have a partner to share the worries of bills with, or maybe a mixture of both. Any ideas on how to get past this so that I don't have an anxiety attack buying groceries? What a mess I am!

purplejacket4 posted 8/10/2014 21:58 PM

Can you start with just going in, buying a few things. And going through the express lane? Sometime small victorious steps help.

Time Ticks On posted 8/10/2014 21:59 PM

I have had panic attacks for about twenty years. The best way I learned to overcome them is to take baby steps. One of mine was if I drove more than a mile from my house. I would go a little further every time. If the attack started I would pull over until I over came it, then go home. It took me time but I did :) .

Are you worried that you will run into someone, him, her, or a friend that doesn't know? I ask because my driving wasn't the problem. It was because I had broke down before in a place I didn't know, and it took hours to get help. My panic in crowds wasn't because of the people, but because my parents lost me at Disney when I was seven. It took me a while to figure out what the real reasons for the attacks were. Knowing help to beat them.( I still get regular panic attacks here and there but they are when I am really under a lot of pressure.)

I would try driving to the store and sit in the parking lot. If you feel okay then go in the store and walk around or grab one item and then leave.

Try talking to yourself(I did this). Say ...Hopeful, you are ok. It is just a store. Verbally reasuring yourself.

I know it sounds silly but it did work for me.

Hopeful74 posted 8/10/2014 22:10 PM

Feelthrownaway, you might be onto something! I live about 3 miles from her, but have never seen her in public. But I might just be anxious about running into her or someone that knew my H and I before his A, and having to answer questions. I had never thought about it that way before. Any ideas on how to handle that?

Time Ticks On posted 8/10/2014 22:52 PM

If emotionally this is not a situation you can handle at this time (running into them). Go further away to shop. Even if it is way out of the way. This gets you into the store and comfortable going there. If you are in a small town with no other store, try going early in the morning or late at night when most shoppers don't go.
Do this until you feel at ease going. It may take a while so don't beat yourself up. That will make it worse. When you feel emotionally comfortable dealing with others try going to your normal store or at the normal times. It does take time. it may take a month, three months, etc.
Talk to yourself...say I want to go to the store and I am damn well going, I can do this, etc.

peaceBmine posted 8/10/2014 23:05 PM

I know I have lot of anxiety in public places now...constantly looking for OW...haven't seen her, but always looking...for her, her car. I asked last week for a list of places she would frequent soni could avoid those until this passes. Basically, I got Target- and I don't go to Target...of, and a grocery store near her house...20 miles away. WH says she's a homebody and hates going out. But obviously she didn't stay home quite enough for my liking.

I think the idea if small baby steps is great. Good luck. I wish you the best in conquering this.

[This message edited by peaceBmine at 5:22 PM, August 11th (Monday)]

Hopeful74 posted 8/11/2014 08:52 AM

Thanks peace! Same to you. We will survive this!!!

niaveone posted 8/11/2014 09:35 AM

Two years later I am still looking for OW in public. :( It doesn't help that we live in a very small town and if I don't see her...I see a member of her family or a friend of hers every.single.time. I go anywhere. Everything. everywhere is one big trigger. *sigh*

At least I went from fearing the sight of her to wanting to punch her in the face. lol. That's an improvement for me....