They've never been away from me for more than 2 nights without seeing me during the day etc. Feeling really sad, but also very angry at The Arse.
He also didn't ask for anything to go with them. They went with what they were wearing. He did ask if they had other shoes, but immediately interrupted me as I was about to reply [that I'd get some] telling me that it didn't matter. We're still sharing the only family car, so I did make sure they had warm/waterproof coats and a cuddly toy each in there.
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him
Spoil yourself, and keep yourself busy.
Don't worry about him or what he does with the kids. He will provide them what they need. If you offered to send a bunch of stuff with them, he'd quickly come to expect it every time, then shit on you for the things you did/didn't send. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Now get out and do some shit that just ain't no fun with kids around!
DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 44
XWW - Irrelevant
DD - 2008 and 2011
Ended the cruel joke April 1, 2015. Divorced.
I do worry. I know The Arse doesn't have too many clothes for them...he sent ds7 home in The Arse's underpants some weeks back
Last year, although he had them for two weeks, he brought them back each evening...this is the longest he'll have ever looked after them himself too. I worry that they'll miss me but not tell him (because they want to please him). Not so bad if it's just a weekend, but my youngest (4) didn't really seem to understand that it was for longer. I worry that he'll think I've abandoned him?
I don't know if it will ever get to the point of a week or more but I dread it.
I hope that they have fun at least.
Try not to think of them missing you. I know it's hard.
Do you get phone calls while they are away?
Hugs Softcentre ((()))
[This message edited by Lola2kids at 2:03 PM, August 11th (Monday)]
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
This sucks. I know there are other, deeper fears in your head you aren't articulating. I'm praying for you all.
I'm going to work on the house. Make it a nicer place to live by the time they get back. Do some DIY I can't do with them around, that sort of thing.
Yes NG I'm also worrying about other things, including whether he's passive aggressively alienating them from me and how they'll be when they get back. I'll get them back for just 3 days, then he'll have them for another week. It's hellish.
It's so hard. Especially the first time...meh, not going to lie, it's always hard. Hopefully you can call them for a quick good night. I know I live for those calls when teslet is gone from me for long periods of time.
Fill your time and be kind to yourself.
I have to give my kids to ex-cheater this weekend for their week-long family beach trip. I know how you feel. I always feel tremendous relief when they return. My kids sort of enjoy the trip, but unfortunately, they really can't get excited about it because they'd rather be with me than with him.
I agree with the others-- I already have things lined up to do; I spend this week in school getting ready for the new year while my kids are gone.
May the time pass by quickly until your babies come back to you. You're not alone!
I don't get to call them etc. When they're with me in the holidays and not seeing The Arse on the weekend, I make sure they call him or I text him what they tell me to, if they ask after him or say they miss him. As in:
Child: "Mummy when is Daddy coming?" or "I miss Daddy"
Me: "X days time. Would you like to call/text him?" or "Come and have a hug. Would you like to call/text him?"
So contact is offered in response to their need, rather than for the benefit of the parent IYSWIM? That way,they don't get upset by a phone call if they were feeling fine and phone calls can't be used to control where we are...The Arse doesn't do the same. He only contacts me if they explicitly ask for it.
Funnily enough, The Arse made sure that he either has a visit or a phone call midweek if he doesn't get to see them at the weekend, but not in holidays. I'm now realising that may have been about making sure he didn't have to reciprocate....
Anyway...it will be lovely if I hear from them, but I don't expect to.
I remember the first time my kids went to their fathers for a week. I was d.e.v.a.s.t.e.d. I cried for the whole week. The first is the hardest. It does get easier. I still miss them of course but no longer cry and actually enjoy my time alone. It lets me recharge my batteries.
Keep busy, be gentle with yourself.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
What can you do for YOU tonight, honey? And tomorrow? What about this weekend?