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Newest Member: wasted78 (48835)

User Topic: Walked in on Him and My Cousin Cheating.
lostmuchnotall
♀ 44467
Member # 44467
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my SO of 3 years and my cousin, who is like a sister to me, lived with her most of my life and spoke or saw her nearly every day, cheated in my living room 3 nights ago and I walked in.

We had shared a 12 pack of beer and a pint of jager between 3 usually heavier drinkers and that was enough to throw their conscience out the window and not even hide it, but do it on my couch.

I had said I was going to bed and went at midnight, my SO went with me but apparently snuck out.
I was thirsty and woke up at 3 am and my bed was empty. I walk out thinking he passed out somewhere, as these two have never given me reason to worry.. and low and behold they are on the couch together and he jumps up and washes his hands and face and was flabbergasted he was caught.

She pretended to be asleep and kept with this story. He even lied and agreed that he molested her (I had seen their hands in each other pants).
I believed it and tried to console my cousin until I found their text messages the next day.

Him, telling her not to worry and that he'd take the responsibility and for her to stick to her story as not to hurt our friendship. Wow. I am still in shock and disgusted with these two.

He confessed the next day because she started to go around telling people she was molested by him and apparently he was only going to "take the responsibility" if she didn't tell anyone.

His boss found out (as he's employed by his family) and his job is at risk. Of course his boss heard the sexual assault version because they chose to first lie, making it even worse.

I can't believe he'd lie for my own family and label hisself as a creep molester as opposed to owning up to cheating. That is so sick to me.

I can't leave the house yet or would because of financial reasons and I have no car or (obviously) trustworthy friends or family.

There is more bits and pieces where they have both continued to lie to me but that's not even important anymore because the main story is bad enough. My SO says he wants to fix things yet he texted her last night to yell at her for telling and deleted the messages that were from him only.
He is still obviously lying and hiding.

My Cousin/Best friend says she never wants to speak to me again, which is more than fine with me..not a very good friend.

At a loss of what to do. Anyone ever walk in on their SO? Thanks all for reading.


Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2014
BlueinStLou
♀ 44416
Member # 44416
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I have no similar experience, but it doesn't seem like there is much decision to make. Your SO is not worth one minute of your time now, or one tear. Your cousin either.

Just in case they start a relationship, you probably want to get your self prepared emotionally.


DDay1 3/26/2014
DDay2 4/15/2014
DDay 3 7/15/2014
DDay 4 8/15/2014
DDay 5-7 December 2014
Me BS 40
WH 39

1DD, 2 DS


Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Midwest
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, this is beyond bizarre. I'd pretend I believe their story. Take your cousin to the police station and report the assult. Seriously do it. They want to play that game? Blow it out of the water.

A similar thing happened to me in highschool. A very close friend slept with my boyfriend. I broke up with him for a different reason. It wasn't until I got back together with him that some friends took me aside and expressed concern because they heard he had raped this close friend. Turns out those other people found out about the hook up and she was embarrassed by it, so she lied and claimed he raped her. When I found out I insisted we go to the police and report it. She then confessed she was just a slut.

Then drop your loser bf. He is disgusting. I'm sorry I know you are hurt, but this guy isn't worth more of your time.

I think you should encourage your cousin to start IC and I wouldn't trust her until she proves things are very different with her. She doesn't prove that with words.

He washed his hands and face???!!!???

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 12:09 PM, August 11th (Monday)]


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4380 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
mozzchops
♂ 42896
Member # 42896
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I have a similar story.
I couldn't find my wife in the house. Went next door to my friends house and caught them kissing.

First words out of his mouth "Its not what it looks like"
She wasn't round there for more than 5-10 minutes (we have an outside security camera with timestamp) Yet hands where in underwear, she lifted her top up, they where talking about sex in the garage. Only got the "extended" version after a few months and constant asking.

I takes a special kind of person to do it while your asleep as I was.


The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Mar 2014
Hopetosurvive98
♀ 33842
Member # 33842
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im with Btraydwife on this one. Take your cousin to report this "assault" and blow it up. How old is your cousin and BF? I am curious as you stated he said he "molested" her. I usually only hear that in reference to someone underage.
Nonetheless you need to run from this guy. You are not married, he is not even being remotely honest with you and well...you know that. He is lying and so is your cousin. I am sorry you had to witness their act of betrayal as I am certain that was shocking, horrifying and heartbreaking. You deserve better then that.
and I am also with BtraydWife in asking WTF with washing his hands and face?


Me: BS 36
Him:WS 36
DDay 9/8/11, 3yr LTA
Her: super classy coworker, 44, involved in many A's including several other coworkers.

Posts: 450 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: The beautiful south
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Under normal circumstances I'd say just cut the cousin out - NC all around - and deal with your WH, but if she is going to keep up the sexual assault story then I agree it needs to go to the police. At which point she can either catch shit for lying due to the evidence you have, or she can quit with that story and the risk to your WH's job is lessened - which serves as a useful illustration of how the truth can be difficult but ultimately beneficial all around.

In any case, stomping as many lies as possible means better access to the truth.


Tempus Fuckit.

- Ricky


Posts: 7840 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
lovesobroken
♀ 43588
Member # 43588
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They're not worth your time sweety. Run as fast as you can.

Posts: 495 | Registered: May 2014
Lark
♀ 43773
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF with washing his hands and face?

my guess is it was oral sex and handjobs.

When my husband first had the PA with OW2, i was still awake when he got home. I recently yelled at him that it is beyond disgusting that he stood in my presence fresh having oral sex with her and he never even bothered washing his face before coming home.

So that was my first thought on the face washing.


“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

Posts: 2445 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
momentintime
♀ 16394
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps it is time to tone down the drinking. I would kick him out and shut her out of my life. They knew what they were doing, and the cover up is so lamb. He will have to live with his choices. First the cheating and then the lies about his molesting her, which will follow him for a very long time. I hope you have saved his text message.

Unless he is charged with something, I don't think his boss can fire him, just based on rumors. However, he created this mess, let him find his own way out.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 3136 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
deena04
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lies equal no remorse. If I were you, I'd get checked for stds and tell him you're done. Get a plan to get out and start taking those steps if you feel stuck. Until or unless he shows remorse and owns up, you can't truly reconcile.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 6 years, married 8/13, D 2015
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Dec 2013
sudra
♀ 30143
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old is she? If she's underage, he WAS molesting her.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1617 | Registered: Nov 2010
Lark
♀ 43773
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering the same thing Sudra.
The word molest is not totally out there, but typically between two adults it is referred to as assault. Is this cousin underage?


“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

Posts: 2445 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I understood why he washed his face and hands but thought it was ridiculous and a dead giveaway.

We weren't doing anything wrong. Just let me wash her smell off of me.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4380 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Dark Inertia
30727
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you have found yourself here but honestly I think you should break up with him based on his stupidity alone. I have heard some lies for cheating, but this one takes the cake. He lied and said he molested her??? And he said that to protect her???? Wooooooow..... People like him should not breed.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 10:58 PM, August 11th (Monday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1619 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
lostmuchnotall
♀ 44467
Member # 44467
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Turned out to be the worst. After days of begging both for answers , they confessed a month or more long affair complete with swapping many nude pics, texts and sex sessions in our home.
I am 24f he is 38m amd cousin is 25f
I am at a loss and sick to death. Packed my stuff.
so so sad.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2014
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry they have hurt you like this. I know it's hard to see now but he is creepy. You deserve better and you will find it. Keep posting here. We can help you through this.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4380 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Lark
♀ 43773
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so so sorry :( Take care of you, focus on you, find healing for you.


“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

Posts: 2445 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
amanda123
♀ 43207
Member # 43207
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So very sorry for you sweetie (hugs). No one deserves to be disrespected in this manner especially by the 2 most trusted people you have in your life. I would not give either one of them the time of day. I laugh at your cousins response that she will no longer speak to you, as if you did something wrong to her!!
The pair of them are disgusting. They have hurt and betrayed you in the worst possible way.

Posts: 381 | Registered: Apr 2014
lostmuchnotall
♀ 44467
Member # 44467
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appreciate you folks and thanks for the kind words. May life bless us all after our hardships.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2014
ChangeMaker
♂ 43899
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're young. Get out and move on.

Don't forget to tell your whole family! It's not your shame.


"Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness" - Andre Gide

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 44
XWW - Irrelevant
DD - 2008 and 2011
Ended the cruel joke April 1, 2015. Divorced.


Posts: 1009 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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