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Trying to R And the first few days were good, but then hubby has been super grumpy with me. Back on the roller coaster where one day he's really trying and the next he isn't. He keeps telling me it's all about him and how bad he feels and it's going to take time for things to get better. This morning I sent him a txt and told him I was worried he was in contact with the AP and I'm concerned that he's regretting trying to reconcile. I was hoping for some reassurance, but what I got was "we will talk about it later." So I'm stuck at work, fighting panic attacks and could use all of the good thoughts and prayers I can get for the next few hours.

I can only speak from my experience. My H was defensive and not supportive at first and that's because he was not all in. He now admits this. It took several weeks until he got off the fence and that was because I told him that if he didn't change I was leaving. I gave him an ultimatum to read How to Help your Spouse Heal from Your Affair. That seemed to open his eyes and he started working toward helping me rather than defending himself. What has your H been doing that was "good" those first few days? Where is he in terms of transparency? Did he send an NC letter? Block her as a contact?

At first there was no transparency but only in that he made a point of telling me who he was talking to ask the time. Lately he's been more secretive. There was no NC letter but he said he went to her house and broke it off with her. I think you've hit the ball on the head about him not being all in. But it makes me sad because that's WHY I let him come home because he said he WAS all in. I actually orderred that book for him this weekend. I guess I'll see what tonight brings.