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jjsr posted 8/11/2014 13:56 PM

for all the newbies here. I am just past 3 years of dday and it does get better. I know right now in the first few days, weeks and months you just in survival mode and wondering how in the hell did your life just implode all around you.
When you get some rest, distance and clarity, whether you chose to R or to D, you will feel better, your mind will be more able to think clearly and you would be able to breathe.
My thoughts are with all of you are you start on this journey that you didn't want to take.

OakStreet posted 8/11/2014 14:32 PM

Thanks, jjsr!

LumpyLola posted 8/11/2014 17:38 PM

Thank you for those supportive words. I hope they turn out to be true in my case, but the way things look/feel/are right now, I'm not sure. I'm holding out hope, though.

Trying2LoveAgain posted 8/11/2014 19:21 PM

So happy for you! It's always great to hear an encouraging story. We are almost at one year since Dday & some days I have my doubts I will EVER be happy again! Thanks for the reminder that it is possible.

blindsided81 posted 8/11/2014 20:18 PM

Thank you!

SoLostStillNumb posted 8/11/2014 23:05 PM

Thank you, jjsr. It's great to hear this encouragement.

How do you handle distancing yourself if you don't know to chose R or D yet?

I struggle with wanting to distance myself to not get hurt, but worry that I'll put up so many walls and barriers that I won't wont feel anything anymore and the chance of R is gone for me. I do want to R, just afraid of how long the road will be to get there...

lilylilith posted 8/12/2014 07:30 AM

Thank you jjsr! I wake up everyday wondering if I can get through this...

NeverAgain2013 posted 8/12/2014 07:32 AM

So glad to hear you're doing well!

WeepingBuddhist posted 8/12/2014 08:01 AM

I'll add my happy ending: in the 18 months or so since D-Day, I have created a life I never expected. It was hard as hell at times but so worth it. Fear can paralyze you but once you get past it, the whole world is waiting.

sunny58 posted 8/12/2014 09:21 AM

Thank you. Had a difficult night. I really, really needed to read this today. I feel better now.

SparrowSoul posted 8/12/2014 10:54 AM


Thank you for the encouraging words! By and large I do feel like WBF and I are doing/getting better, but there are definitely moments that my courage flags, and a pep talk like this is exactly what I need!

bravegirl19 posted 8/12/2014 11:20 AM

Thank you jjsr! You and the other survivors are such a huge inspiration for me. Knowing that there are people who found true happiness again gives me hope that someday I won't think about this all the time!

damaged71 posted 8/12/2014 15:30 PM

I have kind of been wanting to post something like this as well. You just NEVER think this will ever end.

Then... one day it does and it's just something that happened as opposed to something that defines;you, your life and your relationship.

My wife and I are fine and she isn't the crazy person she was a few years ago. I never dreamed I'd be in the good place we are but we got there. It wasn't easy but here we are.

MadOldBat posted 8/12/2014 16:17 PM

Thank you so much for your post jjsr.
I'm one month in, & have honestly glimpsed the man I fell in love with 30 years ago.
After enduring so much 'life together' all these years, I'm so sad that I never shocked him into finally talking to me before now.
Turns out that whilst I spent the last 10 years afraid that our M was disintegrating, so did he. Afraid, yet refusing to admit it.
Our strength is growing every day by daring to share our fears, & look at them squarely in the eye, in the full light of day.
He made some stupid hurtful choices; I may never trust him to choose again, but I have gained enough insight to have the self confidence to make my own choices for me, because I know that they will be based on what I believe to be my own self interest.
Whether we eventually D or R I have decided, & WH has agreed - we will make no decisions now.
We are taking stock.
We are friends.
We are in disc (re) covery.
What he did was so shocking, he shocked & disgusted himself. It's made him look at his behaviour & he can hardly believe he could be so horrible.
But he has taken ownership & is overwhelmingly remorseful.
To good to be true?
We'll see - I'm warey & watching!
Good luck to everyone out there

[This message edited by MadOldBat at 4:24 PM, August 12th (Tuesday)]

Rubix posted 8/13/2014 15:09 PM

Thank you for the post. I had such an awful night and day. WH tried convincing me to stay with him but I was so unsure of weather I will ever feel better , trusting or happy again. This has made me think it might just be possible.

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