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5 months out - first sign of real remorse

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12yearsloyal posted 8/11/2014 22:51 PM

Wow, I have an update. I have gone from D day in March, no answers and continued contact with HO worker in April, May, an unemployed WS end of May, discovery of organ photos taken in June, no signs of remorse and very little IC on WS's part up to now.

August 11th, we have a break through. WS wants to R and get back into IC, MC. I am astonished. I have been left hanging all this time since D day. I am happy about this, well cautiously optimistic is a better term. We shall see where this goes. I know that I will not go thru another A not with him, not with anyone. The rules are the rules and they are my rules. I will not drop my standards, my way of life. I will keep this promise to myself. You will not see me on here announcing D day #5, #6, #7. I will write this in blood if I need to. We have a long road ahead but at least I think we are now on the road.

BtraydWife posted 8/11/2014 23:00 PM

Gently- this is still all just talk.

Consistent actions over weeks and months show remorse. Remorse shouldn't be confused with compliance.

Just going to counseling doesn't help. He will only get out of it what he puts into it. My wh coasted along meaninglessly in ic for almost 3 years. During that time he was not remorseful but he pointed out several times that he was doing what I asked.

Yes, this is great news that he has agreed to go to counseling.

He should attend ic weekly for several months before you start mc. Monthly ic sessions are too far apart for someone needing as much help as he needs. (Really any cheater)

But don't declare remorse just yet. He has a long way to go before that's proven. I hope he means it.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 11:01 PM, August 11th (Monday)]

SoLostStillNumb posted 8/11/2014 23:00 PM

12YL - I'm so happy to hear this! I'm 3 months from Dday and am still in limbo. No signs of remorse and very little IC. Very little contact with me too since I moved out and we haven't spoken at all this past month. He even says he isn't sure if this is really what he wants, but is willing to talk to me and go to MC together. Don't know how I feel about this yet, but it feels good to see that there is sometimes a light at the end of the tunnel for others like you.

I'm happy to also hear you aren't going in blindly and are being cautiously optimistic. I struggle with even knowing what my standards are at this point, but its amazing to see you so strong and unwavering.

We have a long road ahead but at least I think we are now on the road.

I hope to feel this too one day. Again, so happy that you are on a road.


Hurtingnnc posted 8/12/2014 06:58 AM

I am happy for you and hope he follows through. For me Limbo is almost more difficult than finding out what he was doing.
I wish you both the best.

12yearsloyal posted 8/12/2014 09:05 AM

Thanks for all your kind comments. I know this road is long. I'm only at the beginning. He said he is surprised I did not kick him out of our home for all the pain he has caused me. I guess I am a little amazed myself as well.

I don't know where this will go but I am giving it a shot, he has a second chance. There will be no third chance. Life is too short and I'm too old for 3rd, fourth tries to get this right. He is listening now and answering my questions. He said he has been a "selfish pig" and yes he has. He is finally looking within and this has been so much needed over his lifetime.

peaceBmine posted 8/12/2014 16:34 PM

Happy for you. The work is just beginning, but I am glad you can move from Limbo. At least the work is GOING SOMEWHERE!

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