I'm just putting this here because it helps. My family and friends are great about listening, but I like writing to people who really know what I'm going through. I feel like I set down some of the burden that I'm carrying when I post my feelings here. I know that some of this stems from the fact that my kids are going on the yearly beach vacation with the ex and the rest of The Brady Bunch, and while I occupy myself just fine while they're gone, I still dread it when it comes and feel so relieved when the kids are back.
I think I'm just tired by the thought that I will have to deal with the morons' hypocrisy for another decade or so. It sickens me when I hear or am forced to witness their image-related efforts at being "good" parents, and at the same time, hear from my kids about how the stepkids are often favored over my kids or deal with my ex's money-grubbing, miserly emails in which he makes it very clear that he cares more about the bottom line than our children. I can't tell you how much I wish I could achieve true NC. I envy those who can.
I'm just having a rough couple of days. I am tired of hearing about these losers and their bizarre attempts at parenting that are almost bipolar in nature-- some days, they are trying so hard to be Parents of the Year! Other days, they sound like the most insecure, needy creatures who couldn't parent their way out of a paper bag. I feel sorry for my kids, and I wish that I had gotten together with someone who had truly wanted to be their dad. I think that if my ex could have run away with his AP without dealing with any repercussions from his family, he would have done it in a heartbeat. However, he deeply fears their disapproval (which might mean being cut off from the family money, so he's really fearful), so we're stuck with him and whatever trash he brings into my kids' lives.
Thanks for listening.