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MelisssaZZZ posted 8/12/2014 06:24 AM

I am going for a 3rd date on Saturday with someone where i think there is high likelihood of something developing.

so its going well, few things of course still unclear etc, but so far it seems its going very steady course. he calls when he says he will call, he does what he says he will do etc etc.

however, my x (3 years divorced and 4 yrs separated) has started a lawsuit against me re finances (court in october). I suspect this is just a beginning for him. (he and OW have broken up, so he needs to punish me for 'ruining' his life).

i have not said any of this to the date.. but when would be the time// and how :( - without looking like my life is full of drama...

EvenKeel posted 8/12/2014 07:04 AM

I understand because I expect 'crazy' from my ex forever.

Guess it depends what sort of issues you expect from your ex. Do you just mean it will probably be him dragging you back to court forever for any old thing? Or do you fear ex will go into stalker mode?

Anyone I dated seriously I told about my ex. He has never confronted any of my dates or anything but I wanted to give them an FYI. It wasn't a set timeline though - just whenever the subject of the divorce came up, etc.

I wouldn't do this on the third date though (unless you guys get into some divorce discussions)....

MelisssaZZZ posted 8/12/2014 07:15 AM

well, i would have not thought before he will be litegeous, but he is. I am sure he will go to court for various reasons - custody most likely next.

he has supervised visits now.. which are exercised at my home for ease (and his house is filthy). so overstaying, not leaving - this already starts manifesting, as he has no ow to run to.

stalking, unlikely i think.

but interfiering a lot. Like he now sends me daily emails about me lying etc crazy accusations

i am speaking to my lawyers to adress this as its getting out of hand..

but yes, the question is - how long to date without disclosing this carzyness, as it kind of does not feel fair not to let him know. i wont bring it up on 3rd date..

[This message edited by MelisssaZZZ at 7:16 AM, August 12th (Tuesday)]

WeepingBuddhist posted 8/12/2014 08:04 AM

I don't know that you need or want to share legal issues with someone you're dating. If things progress a LOT and you're going to share space or finances sure or if you're dealing with a lot of emotional stuff and need some space, but IMHO, that's just not something someone you're dating would need to know.

brokeninfl posted 8/12/2014 09:23 AM

I'm with Weeping. I don't think unless this looks like its approaching serious/exclusive status that you need to disclose the legal issues with your ex.

I will say you have my sympathy. I'm not dating now, but the thought of having to explain my bat-shit crazy ex to someone I was interested in gives me hives.

sparkysable posted 8/12/2014 09:23 AM

I might not fess up to the ex's crazy antics just yet. You never know how the ex is going to behave in the future. I would say just let things progress, and if he happens to be around when or if the ex starts his crazyness, then you can both laugh over how crazy he is. If he doesn't start any crazyness, then bonus!

Charity411 posted 8/12/2014 11:14 AM

I wouldn't discuss the situation with EX yet. You have us as a sounding board. I'd give it at least six months. There really isn't anything he can do to help in this situation.