I have been separated for almost 5 months now and just waiting for the D process to move along. WH has left me and the kids to be with the OW, and he is taking his time with the agreement while I depend on him financially. This leaves me in a constant state of anxiety.
These past 5 months have felt like 5 years. The emotional roller coaster just won't stop. I feel so isolated and sad. I never wanted a divorce or a cheating husband, but I have no choice. I feel like I am in hiding. I don't want to be out in the community where we as a family and couple were so socially active over the years. I don't know who knows about the D and who doesn't. Every time I bump into someone, I think do they know? I feel so ashamed and embarrassed, and I did nothing to feel this way, but I can't make it stop.
I read here on SI often and it helps, but aside from my IC, I have no one to talk to who understands. I still feel like all of this is a nightmare and I just want to wake up. I had absolutely no idea of the devastation that comes with divorce and it so much worse knowing that WH feels none of the pain, shame, anxiety or sadness that I feel. He is just moving on with his happily ever after....
Just had to get that out to anyone who can relate.