"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Hatemyhusband posted 8/12/2014 19:02 PM

In MC yesterday, we were asked seperatelt to rate these on scale 1-10 (10 highest) So I'm asking you the following:

How long ago was DD?
How happy are you?
How secure do you feel?

Margypan posted 8/12/2014 19:34 PM

How long ago was DD?

3 months - but I feel the need to say that although I found out three months ago, we didn't really discuss it for various reasons (I've been angry and refused to talk, we've both been in summer school classes, and family illnesses) until about 2 weeks ago.

How happy are you?

4 - This one is hard. I've still very upset and unhappy about the circumstances - probably a 1 here. But I'm happy that I know and that he's finally being honest and working on himself and our marriage even if I'm not really able to do much more than talk yet. I'm not doing real work at this point because I overworked last time (2 Ddays - one being almost three years ago), and I feel it's his responsibility to put in a larger effort this time - at least up front. But knowing and his transparency this time makes my happiness score go up.

How secure do you feel?

Probably a 1 at this point. But since we JUST started talking about it, it's as fresh as DDay in many ways - so I feel this is to be expected for me.

I also want to add that I really like these questions. I'm going to copy and past them so I can keep a running word document open. I plan to answer these once a month to track my progress. So thanks for sharing them!!

bionicgal posted 8/12/2014 19:43 PM

almost 14 months

Happiness - 7 (on average. This weekend I hit a 10, but last night when I was sick, I was a 1). I have read that most people are a fairly consistent level of happy over their lifetime, and this is pretty representative of my normal state. So, I think that means the "crisis" part of the A is over, maybe.

secure - 7

Notmycircus posted 8/12/2014 19:46 PM

How long ago was DD?
5 weeks

How happy are you?
1 to 2. Mostly I am angry, with intermittent bouts of hysteria. Some days I am hopeful and some days I think I just want to throw in the towel.

How secure do you feel?
Probably a 2. I think my WH does sincerely feel bad, but he really doesn't get it yet. At all.

Wodnships posted 8/12/2014 19:53 PM

How long ago was DD?

5 months

How happy are you?

6

How secure do you feel?

With my relationship 3
With my self 10

Lucky2HaveMe posted 8/12/2014 19:57 PM

How long ago was DD?
About 7.5 Years ago

How happy are you?
8 - I think there is always room for more happiness

How secure do you feel?
9 - I will never be 100% secure/trusting.

2married2quit posted 8/12/2014 19:59 PM

How long ago was DD? 2yrs

How happy are you? 5.

How secure do you feel? 7

rachelc posted 8/12/2014 20:05 PM

Dday- 2.5 twars ago, roughly, there were 2.

Happiness- 4. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there were two ddays.

Security- 8-9. He wants to be a good person. I see that.

maxandsen posted 8/12/2014 20:20 PM

DD - 2.5 years ago
Happy - 7
Secure -5

Not feeling it today maybe tomorrow would be a higher score

musiclovingmom posted 8/12/2014 20:59 PM

When was dday?
2 years this coming Saturday.

How happy am I?
7 on average. I still have some bad days, but I also have some great days.

How secure do I feel?
7. This has nothing to do with his behavior. He is doing everything right. I just look at everything differently now. Something that was once just normal, I scrutinize for signs of wayward behavior.

Both my happiness and security are climbing. Much more rapidly now than they were even 6 months ago.

RidingHealingRd posted 8/12/2014 22:25 PM

How long ago was DD? 3yrs 10mo

How happy are you? 8

How secure do you feel? 9 because I will never achieve 10 after such a devastating betrayal

UndecidedinMA posted 8/12/2014 22:32 PM

DDay:

Coming up on 3 yrs. WOW, still feels like yesterday

Happy:

With what happened this month & his response - very happy!!!

Secure:

Again his behavior for her fishing expedition this month & my still tracking phone & email - doing good. Percentage wise, firm 99, because nothing is ever 100.

I am lucky in that there are no females at his work, I have 110 percent access to phone & email.

His only mistress now is hockey. 3 times a week & I go to every game

wolf_heart posted 8/12/2014 22:41 PM

How long ago was DD?

2 years and 5 months

How happy are you?

4, there are moments when I am happier, but average a 4. RL is posing other challenges right now besides trying to heal from this. Prior to D-Day it was a 7 or so on average.

How secure do you feel?

2, I feel secure in me taking care of myself more, this is how secure I feel about my WH being there for me when I need him. I don't know if I will get this back. Prior to D-day it was a 10.

heartbrokeninaz posted 8/12/2014 22:55 PM

1 year 12 days ago

Happy: Some days 8, on average 6

Secure: Probably a 4. I just don't have the blind 10 trust that I used to have. I hope to get some of that back some day. It's not his behavior that is causing me to feel this way. It is just how I am now at this point.

Holly-Isis posted 8/12/2014 23:02 PM

I would add how much has your WS participated in R.

Because if I were to answer those questions- it would skew the results.

Alex CR posted 8/12/2014 23:18 PM

Dday was 4 years 9 months ago

Happiness is pretty consistent at 8 and 9 most of the time and there are times when it's a 10.

I feel 99% secure most of the time...I don't count on H for my security anymore. I count on me and I do a pretty good job of taking care of myself now, much better than I used to. That's what H's affair taught me...not to put myself last.

Bobbi_sue posted 8/13/2014 04:45 AM

How long ago was DD?

8 years

How happy are you?

For most years since around 2007, as happy as I've been for most of my life. My marriage is fine but I have something else going on in life that is currently bringing me down, way down. Actually, my son's wife is cheating on him and they will probably divorce, because that is what SHE wants. It is extremely devastating for me, in a small part a reminder to what happened to me (in both marriages) and in a bigger part, having to watch my son go through such heartache, and also worrying about my DIL who will always be the mother of my beloved grandbabies, but seems to have lost her way in more than just her marriage commitment.

How secure do you feel?

I feel very very secure in my M. After what has happened in my life, I have vowed to myself to never ever trust anyone 100% again but my marriage is actually stronger and better than it was in the pre-A years and I do trust him 99.9%.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 4:47 AM, August 13th (Wednesday)]

spond posted 8/13/2014 07:10 AM

How long ago was DD? 9 Months (last dday)
How happy are you? 7
How secure do you feel? 7

gettingbyjj posted 8/13/2014 08:19 AM

DDay - 6 weeks ago
Happy - 8.5
Secure - 9

I know that seems a bit high, considering things are so fresh. I'm a quick healer. Plus, I was really happy before DDay, around 9.5-9.7.
There are times, where for a brief period, I'll drop to a 5 or 6, but W is doing all the right things, showing real remorse and is working really hard on herself.

SadFlower posted 8/13/2014 09:35 AM

D-Day: 2 years ago tomorrow.

Happiness: 7/10.
Pretty happy, but still have occasional bad days.

Security: 8/10.
My head tells me he won't stray again, but when I trigger, I get jittery. Checking always confirms that he is completely NC, though.