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Mindfully posted 8/12/2014 20:18 PM

Dday with my WS was six months ago.

We've been living separately since May, although we've been in daily contact since then, and spend considerable time together. WS wants to reconcile, and is trying to do everything right, but I can't. I thought maybe I could, but the affairs (two overlapping) appear to be deal-breakers for me: I just can't get past them. And I don't think he's a smart risk. With a five-year relationship, and no kids, I think the best option is to let go. Just let go.

How do I do it? I know I have to go NC, but how do I make it stick? I still have feelings for him, but I just can't continue. Any and all advice appreciated...

Hopeful74 posted 8/12/2014 20:49 PM

I am doing NC now with my H. It is difficult!! I take it one day at a time and try to busy myself when it gets to be too overwhelming. I come to this forum or call and text friends. It has been easier than I expected (probably because he has moved on to something else and is busy himself). It has been a week and a half and appears to be getting easier. Good luck to you. There is a lot of support here, so make sure you utilize it when it gets tough!

[This message edited by Hopeful74 at 8:51 PM, August 12th (Tuesday)]

LifeIsBroken posted 8/12/2014 21:25 PM

You go NC by going NC. Every time you want to contact him in any measure, tell yourself: "First I have to do (laundry, make a list, call a friend, go to the store, clean a closet - whatever excuse you can use to stall the contact)." Get involved in some other activity. When you finish whatever it is, then tell yourself, "Well, I could contact him after I do (yet another task)." Put it off, stall the action, and the 'urge' will lessen to get in touch at all. AND, remind yourself, contact only means another lie, another hurt, ultimately prolonging your recovery. Stop hurting yourself. You're doing what you need to save YOU. Instead of investing in him, INVEST IN YOU ! You're worth it; he has proven he isn't. (((( ))))

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