Your WH clearly has issues that you alone cannot fix. If he is not willing to do the work that is absolutely necessary to R (reconcile), the M is not going to survive. You cannot do this alone and you cannot fix him or nice him back to you. He needs help far beyond what you can provide.
He needs help...professional help. He clearly does not have the ability to stay monogamous (you say he has been unfaithful throughout your M), and he needs to get to the root of why.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Nothing you did, said, didn't say, etc., had any bearing on his choice (NOT mistake) to be unfaithful.
Please read in the Healing Library (upper left-hand corner of this page) and read, read, read. Especially the 180. This is for YOU...and it will help you gain the strength you need no matter what the outcome of the M. There are also several threads for newbies that would be very beneficial for you...(asking an SI member to please post them on this thread for her as I cannot recall all of them).
Please also seek IC for yourself and don't hesitate to ask for medication to help you sleep. And please eat, drink, and exercise...this is imperative to your healing. If you cannot keep food down, drink protein shakes.
Others will be along with more words of wisdom. Please keep posting...we're here for you and will be here every step of the way.
[This message edited by Lalagirl at 6:33 AM, August 13th (Wednesday)]