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Newest Member: Thankful (46008)

User Topic: Officially over
hurtmommy1611
♀ 44443
Member # 44443
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out my husband was cheating in the most cliche way, her shirt got mixed in with his laundry. That was at the end of may. Since then, we have been on a roller coaster of struggles trying to make our marriage better and reconcile. With very high highs and very low lows. But twice now, he's gone back to her and even after starting therapy, he admitted that he's confused and wants to try dating her exclusively for 2 weeks before he makes his final decision. Well, that did it for me so I made the decision for him. This is not what I pictured my life to be at 37. I am 36 weeks pregnant and have a preschooler and toddler. All our lives are going to be turned upside down. Any advice would be wonderful right now. Thanks.

[This message edited by hurtmommy1611 at 5:10 AM, August 13th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW 37
Him: WS 39
Married: 13.5 years
D-day: 5/30/14
Kids: boys 4 & 1 with another on the way
Working on R in MC and IC

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2014
bigskyblues
♂ 36759
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurt, get in contact with an attorney ASAP, protect yourself and the kids. It is all about you and the kids now so don't think you need to play nice. Start the 180, it is all about helping you detach from him.

I would also like to say how impressed I am with your decision. I am so sorry you find yourself in this position especially at 36 weeks pregnant, I just can't imagine a man being that pathetic!

Take care of yourself and the kids, don't even waste a moment thinking about WH.

BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 277 | Registered: Sep 2012
Shockleader
♂ 36827
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some day, you will look back on this and be very proud of what you did. You stood firm allowing your moral compass, and take no insane bullshit cake eating to the extreme nonsense from a dirtbag cheater, and carried on despite fear and hardship... Congratulations! As mentioned, you will need to tackle the legal side of this, and get your ducks in a row.

Keep your resolve, know that many times the D process turbo charges already nasty/immoral people, and allow the power of your conviction, to push you ahead toward the goal of not being married to a spineless, cowardly, selfish cheater. Best of luck.


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 653 | Registered: Sep 2012
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's likely to try hoovering you back in. When he hoovers it's likely to be confusing and upsetting, especially being pregnant and wanting to nest & be an intact family. It's good to decide now whether you'd really be open for R if he truly changed, or not. And what he'd have to do to make that possible.Then you'll know how to respond if he hoovers.

Also, get a lawyer ASAP. Mine wanted us to not involve lawyers He wanted me to not know what I was entitled to etc. He also thought he could keep on manipulating me and get the better of me like he did during our M and his A. Best thing I did was to get a lawyer and file.

As for the rest...once I got over my initial fears/panic about coping on my own (he'd whacked myself esteem that much!), I found being a single mum much easier than being with him after dday. It's still hard,especially when I or the children are ill...but not having that constant stress/black cloud hanging around has been a weight off my shoulders. Hopefully it will be for you too.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1114 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
hurtmommy1611
♀ 44443
Member # 44443
Content  Posted: 6:14 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ladies for your encouragement. It was a rough night with little sleep, but I am ready to face the day and get rid of him for good. I will definitely contact an attorney today. I'm looking forward to hugs from my little ones when they wake up.


Me: BW 37
Him: WS 39
Married: 13.5 years
D-day: 5/30/14
Kids: boys 4 & 1 with another on the way
Working on R in MC and IC

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2014
neverbeokay
8275
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admire you for taking back control and knowing your worth. I know it's terribly painful.

I agree with all the advice so far, especially getting legal counsel immediately. Thinking about what conditions, if any, you would be willing to consider reconciliation is a good idea too.

And I hope you have family/friends to support you for the birth of your new baby so that it can be a joyous occasion - take all offers for help.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Sep 2005
ChangeMaker
♂ 43899
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GOOD JOB HURTMOMMY!

You're too good for him. Taking immediate action by ending the relationship and consulting a lawyer was the best decision I made.

He will accuse you of ending the relationship - make sure you explain that he ended the relationship when he decided to fuck a pathetic slut.

Implement the 180 now. You are in for some tough days where your mind will be screaming at you to talk to him and seek comfort from him. Don't. Take some time for you and your kids. Be selfish. He was.

If YOU decide to try reconciliation later you can. IF he does the heavy lifting and makes you feel safe. Watch out for regret vs. remorse though. Don't listen to his words, watch his actions.

Post here as much as you need. We all get it. I will be watching for your posts.

[This message edited by ChangeMaker at 7:43 AM, August 13th (Wednesday)]


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 438 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
Mindfully
♀ 42959
Member # 42959
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtmommy1611 - no good advice here. I'm starting down the same path you are today. But I am sending you strength and wishing you the very best. You are amazing!

Posts: 103 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 8

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