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One Year Anniversary - This Sucks

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lifeistough posted 8/13/2014 06:06 AM

I haven't been on here in a bit, because I think I've been dreading this week. One year ago today my wife sent an email finally admitting in full to her EA. Last year the OM sent an email at 3 in the morning to her asking her to call him. While I was in a meeting later that morning my wife emailed me to let me know about this communication. Then we had lunch before my wife and kids left for a short trip. I told her then that if there was anything else I needed to know, she needed to tell me. That night she sent an email finally admitting that she had told the OM (who was 25 years old) that she loved him and had never felt that way about another man before. She also came clean about some other things but that was the most painful.

Today I will be in the exact same room where I learned of the contact with OM. And today my wife and kids are out of town on the exact same trip as last year. So, tonight I'll be home alone just as I was last year when I got the email from my wife that has changed everything. It is just too hard for me not to think about last year. I probably would have anyway but the fact that I am replicating every detail is certainly not helping.

I would love to get an email from my wife at some point today that acknowledges how tough this is, etc. But I don't think I will and that worries me for the long term. I just want more connection and more thought from her and I'm not sure she's capable.

Today sucks. Sorry for the downer rant.


Hurtbuthopeful35 posted 8/13/2014 06:48 AM

I'm sorry you are feeling so crummy ;(

Is there a reason why she had to be away from you today? Did she know you were thinking about and dreading this ahead if time?

I hope she does send you a message that will lift your spirits.

Neverwudaguessed posted 8/13/2014 08:43 AM

My Dday is Sept 9th and we are getting ready to leave tomorrow for the same trip that we began this time last year and husband turned us around because he could not do it (had just turned EA into PA the week prior). He as a mess, saying eh could not do it, the kids were confused; it was a mess. I am really struggling to, flashing back to all of the things that were going on this time last year. I am so sorry that you a re going through this, AND that you are alone doing so. I am thinking of you and sending you strength...

lordhasaplan? posted 8/13/2014 08:46 AM

Take time to do something for yourself today. Something to take focus away from last year. If you want something from your W than you should tell her what you need from her. Give her an opportunity to show with actions if she wants to repair her marriage.

lifeistough posted 8/13/2014 11:11 AM


She didn't have to be away but it's a long-standing annual trip she takes with the kids and two other friends just before summer ends. And I am starting back at work this week (I'm a teacher) so this week is exactly like last week. I told her last week how hard this week was going to be and she asked if I wanted her to stay, but I didn't get the sense that she would have been completely okay if I had said yes because it would have messed things up for the other families as well. And it wouldn't have been like we could have spent time together necessarily. So, I'm okay with that but I sure wish she would acknowledge it on her own while she's gone with a simple email or text or something.


Sorry that Sept. 9th is right around the proverbial corner. And thanks for your kind words. If I have any words of wisdom after this week, I'll share them with you. Though I seem to be short on wisdom currently.

And, yes, Lordhasaplan?, I do need to get better at telling her exactly what I need. I think I really want her to take the initiative a little more, but I'm not sure that will ever happen.

Neverwudaguessed posted 8/15/2014 21:04 PM

I am away right now, but checking in on you and another here on SI, as you have both been on my minds in the last few days. I hope you are faring as well as to be expected during this time! Just wanted you to know that you are being thought about with some thoughts of support and strength being sent your way....

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