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Newest Member: BlueNC (61468)

User Topic: How do you focus at work?
♀ 44284
Member # 44284
Helpless  Posted: 1:25 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We both work for the same facility in different departments. All of my friends are coworkers. No family close by except my adult (19) daughter. I am having the hardest time focusing onwork when all I see is what I am losing. I know I am only loosing the dream of what I thought we had. Even after DDay I thought we could make things work. Now that I am seeing he is not going to put in the work I am struggling. I want someone to spend time with and enjoy.

Me: BGF 45
Him: WBF 48
I have moved on.

Posts: 411 | Registered: Jul 2014
♂ 23328
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do what you can do.

Realize that there are things you can't do.

Unfortunately, sometimes that means people end up not being able to work.

I ultimately got fired from my job after D-day. I would have gotten fired in any event, because my firing was political, but the fact is that I was not focused and was not performing up to my pre-D-Day levels.

Self-care carries over into all aspects of your life. Find time for yourself, get enough sleep, water, nutrition, and exercise. This will benefit your health, happiness, and ability to work.

I want someone to spend time with and enjoy.

I recommend IC, and lots of it. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5713 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
♀ 44248
Member # 44248
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't work. I felt like a bus hit me and I literally could do nothing at work. After calling in sick a few days, I talked to HR and got family/medical leave of absence. You'll need to get some forms completed by a doctor (physician or a mental health professional) but now I'm on 8 weeks leave with 100% pay and all benefits. It's actually been REALLY good for me considering I was physically ill as well as just not mentally stable to do anything at work. I'm slowly getting better and will return to work in September.

See if your place of employment has some sort of benefit like that.

Try and eat or drink something every day, even if its little. The days are hard now, but they will get easier. You sometimes feel like you can't get through the day, hours, even minutes, but it'll get better. I promise. I'm 3 months out and even though I still have those moments, it's a lot easier to breathe each morning. Make a goal for yourself to at least get out of bed, brush your teeth and shower. There has not been one day I haven't gotten out of bed, and I think that has made a big difference.

The human body is a resilient thing and you'll be amazed at what you are capable of handling.

You can survive this.
You will survive this.

Me: BS 26 Him: WH 27
Married: 5 years, together 7. No kids.
DDay: 6/3/14 and TT till 9/5/14
Separated, headed for divorce
Trying to accept this nightmare is real every morning.
Hold on, this will hurt more than anything has before

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: VA
♀ 44060
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is something I am REALLY struggling with that I cannot get my WH to understand. His theory is I need to stay busy so that I can keep my mind from dwelling on it all the time, but it doesn't work that way. I can't focus on the work that I am normally so good at (evident by the fact that it's the middle of the work day and I'm on SI.) My work is highly concentration intensive and it has been almost 4 months and I am struggling still.

I know you can get FMLA leave if needed. I am fortunate that I have a flexible work schedule, can work from home, have tons of vacation and have great bosses. They don't know what is going on, but I was able to just tell them there were some personal issues I needed to deal with (night of Dday) and they said take whatever is needed. WHs has a co-worker currently on FMLA related to infidelity. I'm afraid to just completely take off because I fear where I would be if I didn't have at least SOME work distraction.

Good luck. It is not easy. Take care of yourself. I do think exercise helps, so you might give that a try just before trying to work.

Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 762 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 44505
Member # 44505
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Music. I made two play lists that I listen to constantly. One is a couples play list of our favorite songs and one is a strength play list that has no songs about love, only empowerment. It builds me up and reminds me that I'm strong. Sometimes the music is the only thing that let's me sleep at night.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Denver
♀ 44046
Member # 44046
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like to get my hands on your strength play list.

Me (BS) 50
Him 57
Married 26 years
DD 12-13-13

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New England
♀ 44505
Member # 44505
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So far I have:
Katy Perry - Roar
Sara Bareilles - Brave
David Gueletta/Sia - Titanium
Sia - Elastic Heart
Katy Perry - Dark Horse
La Roux - Bulletproof
Florence and the Machine - Dog Days
Pink - So What
Pink - you're perfect
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger

And I'm always looking for more.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Denver
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Immediately after dday it was a struggle for sure. But then I threw myself into my work, made it a chance to actually give my brain a break from the stress. It helped. I would give myself 10-15 minutes in the morning to think about it, look on SI, etc. Again at lunch, and then again around 2-3. Then I had to visualize putting it in a box closing it and putting it on a shelf. Doing what I do, you can't mess up much, or people are truly effected negatively.

I would strongly recommend filling out FMLA papers with the intermittent leave portion. That way if you do have a day where you just can't seem to do it, you have the ability to not go in, or leave. This protects you from getting in trouble from absences, and I don't care how good you think your employer is, unless you protect yourself you are putting yourself at risk. Employers are no longer loyal to their employees.

You can't wait for someone else to make this better, you have to act. You are the only one that can truly heal you, and make you a happy complete person again. Self care is a huge part of learning this, and actually living it. I always tell newbies that you need to start doing one kind thing for you, and just you every day. It can be anything from reading quietly to taking a long bath, to getting a mani/pedi. But something that you enjoy and hopefully something that makes you feel better about you.

If your work is something repetitive then music can help to get into a groove for sure.
Music helped me tremendously. But I am a huge music nut, and listening to some of my favorite artists were really helpful. Listening to music without lyrics to muck up your thinking helped too. I listened to a lot of classical and blues.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13279 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 8

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