That TT though, I think of it all the time, how he prolonged my agony, wouldn't give the truth cause he's a coward. Still didnt give me the benefit of being a full partner, allowing me to understand what occurred in my life for over 3 years. No remorse, just regret that he was caught.
Cant get past how he thought I was worth throwing under the bus after 20 years as his wife so he could go fuck someone else. When he wasnt all that good of a husband to me for those 20 years. Because he was bored. I was worth nothing, because he was bored. No other reason is needed, it was pure selfishness.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Just want to get it out I guess. Today is OW #1's birthday. The one he spent approx. 4 years with. LTA, all while I knew nothing and tried to continue to be a good wife, though our life had become a shambles.
Thanks for reading,,,,,,,,,
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Almost cried while reading. I know how you feel. You're in good company. When over OM's bday comes around, it is the elephant in the room at my house.
Yes, sometimes I don't like my FWW either. Prolonged TT and commitment to R can REALLY hurt R for the BS. It did for me. I'm kinda in limbo about being married to her.
Take care of yourself. Watch out for those thoughts that just bring you to your knees. I've been there too.
Things are very different in our house as well.
He continued TT for years because he was scared. To be honest I would have lied too though I NEVER would have put myself in that low a place to begin with. I put myself in his shoes, once the realization of what you did and how wrong it was seeps in, how on earth do you look in the eye of the person you JUST realized you are still in love with and tell them honestly your darkest deamons knowing it will kill them?
I get it...
How does that quote go "fail me once...shame on" ... oh who cares. Once is too many we had vows!!
I don't care about the "TT". I don't even care about the first lies.
What "does it" ALL for me is how she SAW what her adultery did to her husband, and her two sons, and
CONTINUED her affair with that full knowledge.
My judgement of her is complete, right there. Her itchy puss was more important to her than her family, even her own flesh and blood. Like you say, "throw us under the bus". We mean nothing, when compared with the satisfaction of her LUST.
I forgive her, but she was not the kind of person I wanted to be an intimate companion of any longer.
No remorse, just regret that he was caught.
Not really even that. Mostly, regret that it was over.
[This message edited by tfkeel at 4:28 PM, August 13th (Wednesday)]
It means so much to me to have people who understand where I'm at and reach out to.
Hugs to all of you too,,,,,,,
Y'all have a great and beautiful day,,,,,,,,,
know how you feel. Its like a big red spot in the middle of a white sheet.
Never again will I look at him the same.
its been 4+ years and I still get mad and sad.
I now feel like I don't care at all. today
is one of the days when I wish I would have
just walked away back then.
This is what I am so afraid of. I'm hoping I can move on together and NOT look back. It's a horrible injustice and to think you'll never remember it is impossible. But I don't want to be 4yrs out and holding this misery inside.