My FWH, while sitting at the table talking to me last night, asked me to marry him. We had discussed a vow renewal some time ago. I had told him that I wanted a proper proposal after a family wedding we went to in March. He acted really thrilled that I was ready to renew our vows. And then, nothing. Lots of nothing. I mentally gave him until my birthday at the beginning of this month before I would start to question why. And on my birthday, it was obvious that he had totally forgotten about my birthday and had gone to the local grocery store to get me a baby rose plant and two cards. Which has been a theme of his. When he started talking about how he went to TARGET of all places first, looked at some clothing, and decided not to try because he didn’t know if I would like it, I freaking lost it.
I told him that I was sick of him treating my birthday as a complete surprise every year and buying token gifts for it. I told him that I had asked, repeatedly, for romantic gestures. I told him that there were times that I really felt like he was settling for a legal companion with benefits. I told him that I would rather he just not even acknowledge my birthday if he was going to put no effort into it. And I told him that what I really wanted, what would have thrilled me, was if he had actually remembered that I asked him to propose to me for our vow renewal, instead of blowing it off. He apologized, admitted that he had let time get away from him again, and we sorta smoothed things over.
Last night, sitting at the table talking over the day, he looked at me and asked me to marry him. I just sat there, stunned, thinking that he had again, put no effort whatsoever into this. Just sitting around the table and, oh, BTW.
I told him no. I said that I had no interest in renewing our vows at all if that was all of the effort that he was going to put forth. I told him that I had asked for romance. I told him that I had let him know, repeatedly, that I felt that I was dying because of a lack of romance in our lives. We’re good at the small things, but I wanted to see some actual effort on his part, to look at ME, what might be pleasing to me, and expend actual planning and thought. I was crying by this time. He said OK, and that he’d try to do better. And then later, we were able to put it aside and make love, which helped soothe both of us.
Am I crazy? I just don’t want to settle. I’ve been settling for a very long time. I feel as if I have been making all of the big gestures watching what seems to delight him, looking for opportunities to surprise him. A gift is supposed to be from the heart. I feel like a gimme-queen even saying this but last year, for his birthday, I gave him a bay tour on a seaplane, and then we went to eat overlooking the harbor that we flew over. I got the exact same thing that I got this year. This year, I have already booked a weekend in the mountains and got tickets to a wine tasting and wine-stomp in that little town. Wine tasting is a big interest of ours. B&Bs are a delight of ours. It took all of about 1 hour to make all of the reservations.
How hard IS it? I simply don’t understand. How hard is it, to make reservations, pack a lunch, bring in a finger-food dinner, pay attention to your partner, and then, make a speech from the heart, ask, and present a token necklace, ring, bracelet, nose-piercing, anything? I simply do not understand. Help?