In India, there are a lot of monkeys. To catch one, residents anchor a bottle to the ground. The neck of the bottle is just large enough for a monkey's hand to fit through. Then, they put a small banana in the bottle, sit back and wait. Pretty soon a monkey comes by and sees the banana. She reaches her hand into the bottle and grabs it. But then, she discovers she can't get her hand out of the bottle while holding onto the banana. The monkey chatters and squeals as the person who set the trap walks up to the monkey and places a burlap sack over him. Caught! The monkey could, of course, could escape by letting go of the banana and running. Some do. But most of the monkeys hang on to the banana until a sack goes over their head. Why? Because the banana has value to the monkey and the monkey is unwilling to let go of that value--so unwilling that she'll willing to be captured and possibly lose her life. People—including those in high conflict relationships (often with people who have borderline or narcissistic personality disorder) do the same thing (metaphorically, of course), even as they end the relationship. While they may have learned all about their partner's distorted thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, they have little insight into themselves and the "bananas" they're holding onto. This can get them into big trouble.
Pretty soon a monkey comes by and sees the banana. She reaches her hand into the bottle and grabs it. But then, she discovers she can't get her hand out of the bottle while holding onto the banana. The monkey chatters and squeals as the person who set the trap walks up to the monkey and places a burlap sack over him. Caught!
The monkey could, of course, could escape by letting go of the banana and running. Some do. But most of the monkeys hang on to the banana until a sack goes over their head. Why? Because the banana has value to the monkey and the monkey is unwilling to let go of that value--so unwilling that she'll willing to be captured and possibly lose her life.
People—including those in high conflict relationships (often with people who have borderline or narcissistic personality disorder) do the same thing (metaphorically, of course), even as they end the relationship. While they may have learned all about their partner's distorted thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, they have little insight into themselves and the "bananas" they're holding onto. This can get them into big trouble.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201205/dont-be-passive-when-divorcing-high-conflict-partners
[This message edited by kg201 at 6:55 AM, August 14th (Thursday)]
DDay - June 7, 2014 Me - 44 XWW - Irrelevant DD - 2008 and 2011 Ended the cruel joke April 1, 2015. Divorced.
The problem was what I valued was just an illusion. I gave him credit for much more than he ever deserved.
dday October 21,2012 dday December 20, 2013 wh deleted I attempted R, he was a lie
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013 Divorced 11/18/2014
I told you my STBXWW was bananas!
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
No more bananas for you.
