SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

NewMom0220 posted 8/14/2014 07:02 AM

I'm laying in bed in a hotel room. My soon to be 18 month old is sitting next to me, tapping away at my iPad. Trying to formulate words. He can't speak yet. He can't tell me himself if Daddy is drunk when he drives. This is my biggest motivation for seeking supervised visitation.

His dad has only had him for 8 overnights his entire life. All supervised thanks to me and thanks to a judge who listened when I said during the temporary hearing that I had a legitimate concern.

This isn't about the fact that he left us. This isn't about STBX's NPD ways. This isn't about retaliation or retribution for the he he'll he put us through. This is about DS and doing the best for him. This is about making sure everyone knows I raised the red flag. Whether the judge decides on unsupervised or Supervised visits, well that's his decision. I'm doing the right thing for DS. I spent the majority of our relationship accepting and making excuses for my STBX's behavior. That's what codependants do. It's funny how having a child can change that.

All we can do is present the evidence. It's up to the judge to decide whether or not those mountains of bar tabs happened before or after STBX picked DS up from his mom's house every night and brought him home to me. The judge will need to decide whether or not I'm being truthful about the many conversations I had with his family, my friends, my counselor, etc...about my suspicions that he was going to happy hour before he was picking up the baby. Did he really stumble in the house that night and refuse to give me the baby and insist on putting him in the crib himself?

These things happened. STBX took his psychological drug and alcohol evaluation and passed. He lied. Manipulated the counselor. Now it's up to the judge. Send us some good mojo!

I'm not a New Mom anymore. I'm a Mama Bear and I'll never give up fighting for DS. Maybe this experience will keep STBX on his toes, but I doubt it. But I'll never stop protecting my DS.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 7:42 AM, August 14th (Thursday)]

sudra posted 8/14/2014 07:09 AM

Bless your heart, Mama Bear. Good luck. I hope your son is protected. Let us know how it goes.

lieshurt posted 8/14/2014 07:56 AM

Sending you lots of good luck hun!

southsidecali posted 8/14/2014 08:33 AM

Sending thoughts&prayers!! I think we all know how you feel. Hang in there.

devistatedmom posted 8/14/2014 09:15 AM

Good luck NewMom. MamaBears are the best.

Gemini71 posted 8/14/2014 09:44 AM

Sending you mojo and prayers. Remember, the Mama Grizzly can drive off a male twice her size!

nowiknow23 posted 8/14/2014 09:47 AM

Good luck, MamaBear. We're all standing right behind you today. ((((hugs))))

IrishLass518 posted 8/14/2014 10:22 AM

Much court mojo to you

DMS88 posted 8/14/2014 10:34 AM

Good luck. If he does get visitation I would buy a breathalyzer and make him blow on it before and after visitation. It would be nice if the judge could order that.

Must Survive posted 8/14/2014 10:38 AM

Mojo your way NM. And I agree with DMS88. Your x should be more than happy to do that to prove he is safe to drive.

hopefulmom44 posted 8/14/2014 10:55 AM

NM0220-Good luck! This is not going to be easy. Be strong and stay firm on what you want. Please keep us posted. Sending hugs your way!

HeBrokeVows posted 8/14/2014 11:00 AM

Thinking of you today! Good vibes being sent.

Futurefear posted 8/14/2014 13:18 PM

Positive vibes sent! Let us know how it turns out!

BtraydWife posted 8/14/2014 15:06 PM

Good luck! I hope the judge agrees to protect your son.

caregiver9000 posted 8/14/2014 15:11 PM

Hoping for good news!!

(((hugs))) for surviving a day in court.

hexed posted 8/14/2014 15:31 PM

happy thoughts!
hope its going well

peridot posted 8/14/2014 19:53 PM

Sorry, I just now seen this. How did things go?

healingroad posted 8/14/2014 20:01 PM

Hope it well, let us know!

ArkLaMiss posted 8/15/2014 08:29 AM

Any news to report?

NewMom0220 posted 8/15/2014 11:40 AM

Hi All,

We got all the way through testimony and didn't have time for closing arguments. So the closing arguments and the final judgement will be scheduled for an hour. So we have to go back.

- the expert witness that gave my STBX POS his evaluation was clearly biased and testified to the fact that he he was not an alcoholic. My atty asked if it was normal for an alcoholic to lie or minimize their use and the expert said "no."
My atty asked if spending $400-$600 a month at bars was normal and the expert said she's have to see if there was also food purchased at these establishments. Now my side asked for this evaluation, so you have to be careful what you wish for. He's a good liar and he totally portrayed himself as a victim to this counselor. The poor father who has been estranged from his son.

-when he testified he said yes his bank records showed he visited bars but that the date they cleared weren't the days he was there. My atty pointed out that there were enough weekly visits that most of them would have happens during weeknights he was driving with DS. He also was asked to name the woman who he now lived with. He said he didn't want to give her name for fear of retaliation and stalking. I'm assuming that was a dig toward me because I researched OW#1, and although I never contacted that person I did find out a lot about her and he knew it. He's a total NPD do of course he needs to paint me as the crazy one.

-my best friend was called from my side to give testimony as to how he spent most nights during my pregnancy and after DS' birth at happy hour. How she witnessed him intoxicated on a night he brought the baby home. She spoke about how he wasn't around after DS' birth and that he was prone to violent outburst while intoxicated. She also mentioned several car accidents he had where he wasn't cited for DUI but he had been drinking at the time.

-I think my testimony was strong. I stated that I left town when he informed me he wouldn't be helping financially. I said these are the circumstances under which out marriage ended and I trusted him to help me with the baby. His only involvement was to pick him up from daycare and bring him to me. I said he was intoxicated and stumbled in the house holding the baby and I confronted him about it. I asked his parents to not let him drive with the baby if they noticed he had been drinking. I said I told everyone who would listen: friends, family, my counselor. I said that I wanted him to be with his son but I have concerns that if he picks him up 1.5 hours away on a Friday at 7pm, how am I to know he didn't just come from happy hour?

Other things happened. His counsel was unprepared and tried to go through my bank statements to find bar tabs. I said if I had been to a bar in the last few months, I wasn't driving my child later that night. That the issue is that he has driven while intoxicated with our child.

So we never got to closing arguments and our attorneys have to schedule 1 hour for closing arguments and to get TE final judgement.

When the judge dismissed us he said everything stays the same for now. STBX said "even supervised visitation?" And the judge says, "it stays the same unless she agrees otherwise. Whatever she decides." As he pointed to me. I said
, "no, we continue with supervised visits."

STBX was pissed. He thought the counselors evaluation was his free pass. He also said out loud to his attorney, "should I give her the August child support payment now?" And his attorney was really nasty and said "no, you have until the 31st, give it to her then."

He has paid a total of $1025 since the baby was born. His bar tabs in the 6 months after the baby was born was around $4k. He said he was paying for meals for his girlfriend and her son too. That was nice to hear too. Glad someone's child was getting fed.

So that's how it went. Still time to wish us luck.

Sorry for typos, written on iphone.