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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: Nine months...
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The mail delivered a bit of a blow this afternoon. The first envelope I opened held a very small check, proceeds from an old life insurance policy my grandparent's had taken out on my father back in the 30s when he was a child. I imagined them on the farm in Kansas, making do with so little, and yet somehow scraping up spare change to put towards a bit of security for their firstborn. It made me smile to think of their love for dad and the sacrifices they made for him and their other kids.

The second envelope had a letter from hospice. A note that enumerated the support services and resources that were available to me, and then described some common milestones for people who are grieving a loss. I felt like the milestones they described were way too fast - that I was no where near reaching them, and I was a little perturbed at being rushed by the letter, as if my grieving for my father should be further along at one month out than it was.

Then I came to the paragraph that started with the words, "Nine months have passed since the loss of your loved one." It knocked the wind out of me - this letter was about my mother's passing, not my father's.

I've been wrapped up in my dad's passing for several months now - spending as much time with him as I could while he was fading, holding his hand through his last breaths, planning and walking through his services, helping my children make sense of it all, working through estate details and paperwork... .

All the while, the grief for my mother waited patiently. Biding it's time, waiting for me to remember where I'd left it. Today's letter opened the door and invited it back in.

And I cannot believe she's been gone nine months. It was just yesterday. I swear.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26489 | Registered: Aug 2011
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))
Where does the time go.
Now you can grieve the loss of both of them, and take just a tiny bit of peace in it knowing they are together again.

Take your time through this process, and let the happy memories of your parents ease your pain.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8893 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

You've had a lot of loss this past year. I'm sorry for your pain.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38944 | Registered: Sep 2007
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

I had a dream about my mum last night, it was lovely.

She's been away three years and nine months now.

They stay with us. I believe that.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17792 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2556 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((nik))

I'm so sorry for both of your losses.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7865 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24749 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
yewtree
♀ 16671
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH NIK, I'm sorry for both losses.
What a blow to lose them both in the same year.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4712 | Registered: Oct 2007
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Nik)))

I'm so sorry for your losses. Sending hugs your way.


Posts: 36776 | Registered: Mar 2011
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That letter must have felt like a stomach punch. So sorry you've had to go through so much.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3523 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((NIK)) I'm so sorry for your loss. My father has been gone nearly two years and it still feels like it just happened on some days.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

Rough year - too rough to take in all at once. I can't help feeling, though, that the pain varies in relation to value of the relationship.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((NIK)))))

I hope you do now take the time to greive both of them.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20557 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nik))) big hugs, sweetie.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
devasted30
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry nik. (((Hugs)))


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1435 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
metamorphisis
♀ 12041
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a vicious year for you nik. I hope so much you get some peace now and the room you need to grieve and start to heal.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 45399 | Registered: Sep 2006
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((NIK))))))))


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5744 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
thebighurt
♀ 34722
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NIK)))) I'm so sorry you didn't get the time to grieve one loss before it became compounded.

You had such a strong bond within your family that I know you have wonderful memories to bring you smiles to counter the grief.

I agree that the thought of them being back together can bring comfort. My Mom passed away in summer, my Dad later, during winter, when he couldn't be buried. The date the funeral director found to coordinate everything for his burial happened to be my Mom's birthday. We thought it was a fitting time to do it.

Hugs again.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2581 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((NIK)))))

Major squeezes my friend.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21118 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Pentup
♀ 20563
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((NIK)))))


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6718 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Topic Posts: 39
Pages: 1 · 2

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