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The mail delivered a bit of a blow this afternoon. The first envelope I opened held a very small check, proceeds from an old life insurance policy my grandparent's had taken out on my father back in the 30s when he was a child. I imagined them on the farm in Kansas, making do with so little, and yet somehow scraping up spare change to put towards a bit of security for their firstborn. It made me smile to think of their love for dad and the sacrifices they made for him and their other kids.

The second envelope had a letter from hospice. A note that enumerated the support services and resources that were available to me, and then described some common milestones for people who are grieving a loss. I felt like the milestones they described were way too fast - that I was no where near reaching them, and I was a little perturbed at being rushed by the letter, as if my grieving for my father should be further along at one month out than it was.

Then I came to the paragraph that started with the words, "Nine months have passed since the loss of your loved one." It knocked the wind out of me - this letter was about my mother's passing, not my father's.

I've been wrapped up in my dad's passing for several months now - spending as much time with him as I could while he was fading, holding his hand through his last breaths, planning and walking through his services, helping my children make sense of it all, working through estate details and paperwork... .

All the while, the grief for my mother waited patiently. Biding it's time, waiting for me to remember where I'd left it. Today's letter opened the door and invited it back in.

And I cannot believe she's been gone nine months. It was just yesterday. I swear.

(((NIK)))
Where does the time go.
Now you can grieve the loss of both of them, and take just a tiny bit of peace in it knowing they are together again.

Take your time through this process, and let the happy memories of your parents ease your pain.

(((and strength))))

(((NIK)))

You've had a lot of loss this past year. I'm sorry for your pain.

(((NIK)))

I had a dream about my mum last night, it was lovely.

She's been away three years and nine months now.

They stay with us. I believe that.

(((NIK)))

((nik))

I'm so sorry for both of your losses.

(((NIK)))

OH NIK, I'm sorry for both losses.
What a blow to lose them both in the same year.

(((Nik)))

I'm so sorry for your losses. Sending hugs your way.

Wow. That letter must have felt like a stomach punch. So sorry you've had to go through so much.

((NIK)) I'm so sorry for your loss. My father has been gone nearly two years and it still feels like it just happened on some days.

(((NIK)))

Rough year - too rough to take in all at once. I can't help feeling, though, that the pain varies in relation to value of the relationship.

(((((NIK)))))

I hope you do now take the time to greive both of them.

(((nik))) big hugs, sweetie.

So sorry nik. (((Hugs)))

It's been a vicious year for you nik. I hope so much you get some peace now and the room you need to grieve and start to heal.

(((((((NIK))))))))

((((NIK)))) I'm so sorry you didn't get the time to grieve one loss before it became compounded.

You had such a strong bond within your family that I know you have wonderful memories to bring you smiles to counter the grief.

I agree that the thought of them being back together can bring comfort. My Mom passed away in summer, my Dad later, during winter, when he couldn't be buried. The date the funeral director found to coordinate everything for his burial happened to be my Mom's birthday. We thought it was a fitting time to do it.

Hugs again.

(((((NIK)))))

Major squeezes my friend.

AJ's MOM

(((((NIK)))))