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Newest Member: Irishprincess (61813)

User Topic: still foggy
♂ 31707
Member # 31707
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I have read up on the fog and saw it since the affair happened in 2011. My wife and I have 5 kids a grandbaby on the way and we have moved way away from our hometown and the place of the affair. We still have stayed together and randomnly have fights about things, sometimes she has broken the NC and I forgive and forgive. However in the midst of the fights she says things like she was stupid for staying with me so long, etc. She doesn't touch me, want me or seem to respect me. I did fail for about 17 years to give her the attention she needed and this was a wakeup call. I did a total 180 and totally gave myself to her and changed many things about me, but it seems its not enough, i'm still the BAD MAN in the fog. How long does this last, does this sound like still the fog or am I just spinning my wheels. For the last few days I have slept on the couch and just kinda turned away
What am I to do?

Posts: 103 | Registered: Mar 2011
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're in pain now and have been in pain so long.

What you describe doesn't sound like fog to me. It sounds like your W is showing her true self to you.

I believe you can't love a WS back into the M. I believe there's basically nothing a BS did or didn't do that could have prevented the A. I believe the M probably should end if the WS isn't remorseful.

The introduction and early chapters of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman & Silver has some great info on predicting M success & failure. Maybe your library has it, or maybe you can buy it from Amazon (use the link to the left of this page or Barnes & Noble, which is cheaper by a lot).

From what you write here and in your profile, your M is not destined for success. Again, from what you write, the 180 is something you should consider and probably implement.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17055 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 2

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