I'm so sorry you're in pain now and have been in pain so long.
What you describe doesn't sound like fog to me. It sounds like your W is showing her true self to you.
I believe you can't love a WS back into the M. I believe there's basically nothing a BS did or didn't do that could have prevented the A. I believe the M probably should end if the WS isn't remorseful.
The introduction and early chapters of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman & Silver has some great info on predicting M success & failure. Maybe your library has it, or maybe you can buy it from Amazon (use the link to the left of this page or Barnes & Noble, which is cheaper by a lot).
From what you write here and in your profile, your M is not destined for success. Again, from what you write, the 180 is something you should consider and probably implement.