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I Broke NC- WH is reevaluating

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lostintrans posted 8/14/2014 22:33 PM

I broke NC. I searched on Facebook for family members of AP. I don't know why... Out of loneliness, I think. I never felt so lonely as I do now. It's no excuse,I know. I don't know what to do. Now I feel like there was one person in the world that loved me and now I have pushed him away. I spent my whole life feeling unloved. Waiting to be left to fend for myself. I was brought up with the thinking "every man leaves..." It's so sad because I had the one man that would never have left me and I let stupid AP in and pushed the man that really loves me away.
Does anybody ever feel so worthless and hopeless as I feel right now???

pufferfish posted 8/15/2014 05:51 AM

Does anybody ever feel so worthless and hopeless as I feel right now???

Yes, I think I am there as well. And I also broke NC a few weeks ago.

I'm sorry you are feeling so terrible. :(

tangledknot posted 8/15/2014 06:02 AM

I'm right there with you.

lostintrans posted 8/15/2014 06:59 AM

OMG he's taken off his wedding ring. He's going to leave me... I'm panicking! Do I need a lawyer??? What do I do? Help?!? I dont want to lose him. I love him. Our family, our kids.... Help!!

trip3 posted 8/15/2014 07:18 AM

OMG he's taken off his wedding ring. He's going to leave me... I'm panicking! Do I need a lawyer??? What do I do? Help?!? I dont want to lose him. I love him. Our family, our kids.... Help!!

First off, calm down. Freaking out isn't going to help anything. Go and talk to him. Don't cry or try and make excuses. He is probably sick and tired of hearing them. He probably feels like an idiot for trusting you only for you to go behind his back and break contact. You need to tell him you are sorry and own up to your mistake. If he already has access to your Facebook, tell him to change the password to something you don't know and delete it. It takes two weeks for a FB account to delete. This will be your penance and will help you NOT to contact your AP.

sorrowfulmate posted 8/15/2014 07:44 AM

What he said.

Get the f**** off Facebook.

That was my portal to hell. Not making excuses but I've been off six months and don't miss it.

lostintrans posted 8/15/2014 08:06 AM

Facebook deleted. Changing my email address. Shredding, deleting, destroying everything related to AP. Trying not to panic.

Monster62 posted 8/15/2014 08:20 AM

What your BH is wondering is WHY you broke NC. The "lonely" excuse does not cut it.

Someone posted this quote from Eat, Pray, Love on here, and I put it into my phone so I could refer to it repeatedly:

When I get lonely these days, I think: so BE LONELY.....learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

As others have said, get off Facebook. Best thing I did. Do not wallow in reminiscence and nostalgia. Live forward and help your BS heal.

Figure out WHY you broke NC. Do you still miss the A?

Commit to helping your BS heal. Let him know that no matter what, that is your one true intention in your life (of course, if it really is).

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

trip3 posted 8/15/2014 11:00 AM

Facebook deleted. Changing my email address. Shredding, deleting, destroying everything related to AP. Trying not to panic.

I hope your BH was there to witness all of this. He not only deserved to see you delete it, but he isn't going to trust that you did unless he witnessed it. That's why I was saying that HE should change the password to something you don't know and delete it. As I said previously, FB takes two weeks to delete and if you sign on at all during that time, it re-starts your account. If he wasn't there to witness this, you need to sign back in and let him change the password so that you have zero access during the delete. And you have to stay off FB and all other social media. My BW is constantly worried when I'm on the computer that I'm covertly conversing with my AP. If your AP has your phone number, you have to change your phone number. You have to do everything humanly possible to make it impossible for you to contact your AP and for him to contact you. Treat this like it's a self imposed restraining / no contact order.

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