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Triggered by a trigger

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morethantrying posted 8/14/2014 23:50 PM

18 months out: sometimes it is so hard to decide to discuss a trigger. I let it go for a while, but not so long that it will fester and become bigger than it already is. If I do decided I need to discuss it and work through it a bit I face two possible outcomes: I feel a bit bitter or I feel a bit worse.

If I get my wonderful remorseful spouse on that day it is nice, but he is not always in the place to give empathy or sympathy....this is not necessarily a "bad" thing. Sometimes he is in the place to boost me up, see our bright future together, how far we have come and so forth. This is all good, but I still sometimes feel like I want the empathy. HOWEVER, that being said when I get the empathy, that can re-trigger all those sad feelings in me because WHY am I getting all this wonderful empathy?...because he had affairs.

Also, if I do decide to discuss the trigger, I talk about why and how I feel and that again traumatizes me anew and makes me feel bad again.

So damned if I do and damned if I don't. Sometimes it helps, but often I am left feeling like a wet dishrag for a few days...sometimes it helps though. It is hard to know if talking bout the trigger will make me feel better...or worse

Am I the only one?

Morhurt posted 8/15/2014 01:05 AM

I totally get you. They (triggers) just suck. :( On the bright side, it sounds like your husband is doing his best to help you through them which is great. I'm hoping (for us both) that as we move through they will become less and less frequent and painful.

Margypan posted 8/15/2014 04:28 AM

You're not the only one - and I'm not a saint about confessing all of my triggers. But I feel like if I expect full open and honest communication from him, I need to at least reciprocate. So I TRY to tell him. Sometimes I might wait a bit til I think he'll be most receptive, and honestly, sometimes I bottle it up. No one is perfect.

Sadjacey posted 8/15/2014 07:33 AM

I don't tell him all my triggers. Sometimes he's the trigger, sometimes seeing myself in the mirror is a trigger (the prostituts were younger than our daughters , words, movies - sometimes I don't even know what that right is. Latest hard one was deny pleased with my mew levels of physical ability, which made me as because of my reasons for it. So mostly I say nothing, and eventually it all gets too much and he sees me cry again - and is frustrated because I'm still hurting. Then we go round in painful circles. This sucks.

sisoon posted 8/15/2014 10:50 AM

Sometimes I trigger and don't know what I need to do to resolve it. That can go on for a few days. A number of times I've posted on SI about being in another funk.

The types of things we need to deal with are pretty standard for most of us, but specific things are unique. No good checklist or map is available. we have to make our best guess about handling every issue, and hope for the best.

Luckily, if one approach doesn't work, the issue will probably roll around again, and we'll be able to make another choice.

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