For myself it took months of positive self affirmations to move from self-loathing to wanting to live. and then still disgusted with myself. But the more I prove to myself that I am worth something. The more I voice my feelings. the more I give my "inner child" a voice. The better I feel about me. I am moving from hating myself to hating what I have done. But you will have to come to a point where you are good enough for you. And not because you "just forget" what you did. But because remember it and accept the level of cruelty that you can inflict on somebody you love. and then protect yourself and your BS from that cruelty.
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
This is the first post I've seen that I feel that I could have written word for word. I am a new member here as well. I had my first IC session yesterday and I already know that this journey of self analysis and introspection will be a positive and life changing experience for me. I am committed to becoming an emotionally healthy person, husband, father, son, friend, etc. The ultimate goal is to become a honest, transparent, and safe partner for my wife. The work will be hard. The self loathing, shame, and guilt is palpable and will be with me for a long long long time. It will always be with me at some level and the "A" will always be with our BSs. We can't let these things define us or cause us to waver from the path of "R" if that is what you seek. As TGNM said we have to go through this pain and self loathing. What we did was horrible and inexcusable. We have to own our actions, learn why we did what we did so that we ensure it never happens again. Get into IC and if your spouse will go with you definitely get into MC. MC has helped us tremendously already.
Also, if you didn't have self-loathing then something would be wrong with you.
"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."