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Futurefear posted 8/15/2014 09:24 AM

He is making me crazy. I am struggling. I cannot do anything at all without feeling as if I am walking on eggshells. I can't live like this!
It is my birthday weekend (the big 4-0) and I asked him to hang out with the kids while I went out tonight with friends for dinner, he said 'no'. Since I had already expected that response, I made plans for the kids.

He then started texting me at work this morning.

I had the tax returns here at my office strictly because I copied them here. He then replied that 'the tax returns need to be at the house and our attorneys can decide whom can have them'.
I was also told 'Please call your attorney today and see if you can get this moving a little faster. You were so hot to get my stuff now all of a sudden you're working at a snails pace.'
and
'What other joint documents do you have hidden away at your office?'
'You are the one who filed, you need to be the one to draft something. I tried the draft something route earlier and you chose not to respond to it. It's been about 2 months and you haven't responded to my proposal. So to answer your question, I did send you a proposal, I did draft something, respond to it. Thank you.
'Are there any other original documents at that office with my name on them that are mine?'
'That's the second oversight this week you've had first DS shots, and now taxes. Please stop being like this I don't want to have this be any messier than it already is. I will return taxes to the house after I'm done using them.'

I have no other documents. The proposal was when he wanted to do this without attorneys...it was insulting and when I forwarded it to my attorney she said as much also.
I can't keep doing this. I can't keep walking on eggshells and I can't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I meet with my attorney on Tuesday. She wants to wait to get him to write something up but I don't think I can. This is making me physically sick. How is the person that I married and had 3 kids with? He is so ugly.

[This message edited by Futurefear at 12:10 PM, August 15th (Friday)]

7yrsflushed posted 8/15/2014 09:31 AM

You both have attorney's right? Ignore his ass and let your attorney work the process. Don't let him bully or stress you out. You don't have to walk on eggshells. If he threatens you or gets in your face call the police. He fucked up not you. Things wouldn't be messy if he had honored his vows right. Change his name in your phone to "dumb ass" or some other name of yrou choosing. At least when he calls you will see that's it's dumb ass and know to let it go to voicemail. When you are at work cut the ringer off. Put your phone in a drawer and check it at lunch if you must.

There are others that are more versed in helping you put on your "Bitch Boots" and I am sure they will be along shortly.

ETA: Happy Birthday!

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:33 AM, August 15th (Friday)]

LookingforLove posted 8/15/2014 09:43 AM

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore....

Contact your attorney and let her know that the fucker is sending your harassing emails. Let her contact his attorney so that they can work the process.

If you feel that you need to respond just say...
"I have an attorney, she will handle it."
Say that and only that enough times and he will stop contacting you about divorce matters...

[This message edited by LookingforLove at 9:44 AM, August 15th (Friday)]

gonnabe2016 posted 8/15/2014 09:53 AM

Yuck. This guy sounds a lot like Monster - all blustery and righteousy and whatnot.

He's spinning his wheels because he's lost control over you. I mean, look at how ridiculous he sounds when he talks about the tax returns. "our attorneys can decide whom can have them" -- is he for real??? The tax returns aren't children, ffs.
You get a copy. He gets a copy. No one has to put the returns back into the *magic, golden drawer* that they were removed from. Watch out, futurefear, he may put a security alarm on that drawer so that every government agency within 500 miles is alerted and descends on you if you deign to even touch them in the future.

As for him badgering you about the fact that you didn't respond to his informal settlement offer -- 'no response' in that scenario IS a response. Kinda like when a seller makes a counter-offer to a buyer, and then never hears from the buyer again -- the buyer obviously had no interest in buying what the seller was selling, kwim?

Your L has the legal knowledge, but you are the client. Let her know about your concerns, ask her to give you her explanation for why she thinks that waiting is the way to go, explain the anxiety it's causing you.....etc etc.

However, for now -- respond with "have your L contact my L about this issue". If you respond this way every single time, he'll eventually *get it* and realize that badgering you gets him nowhere fast.

Futurefear posted 8/15/2014 11:29 AM

7yrs-I wish he would get in my face-I'd love to call the police since he is the police...

I'm trying to get the bitch boots on but it is so hard. I can't take the negotiation vs. interrogation all the time...
I also hate how he just comes and goes. The in-house crap is for the birds. I think the reason he needed the tax returns was to go to the bank for a mortgage/financing approval. One can only hope.
I do need this to be over or at least start progressing. My psyche can't take much more and it isn't fair to my girls.
At least in 2 weeks he leaves for a 10 day vacation with the OW.
sigh....

Softcentre posted 8/15/2014 11:30 AM

OK. Ignore WHAT he is saying. What he is DOING, is trying to ruin your birthday weekend.

Once you keep that in mind and give him crickets, you'll be able to laugh at how pathetic he is.The worst he can do is try and spoil your birthday because he knows he has no power to do anything else. Crickets will drive him crazy. So have a great weekend.

ShiningAutumn8 posted 8/15/2014 12:04 PM

Wow he is a major major ass.

I would talk to your attorney and tell her it is in your best interest emotionally to take whatever steps necessary to have him legally removed from the home so that you can change the locks.

Having him throw his A in your face, in front of the kids, is just so incredibly abusive.

Im not sure the benefit of waiting it out to file or draft papers, like you are attorney said. I have not heard that before -- ive always heard the initiating person is at the advantage.

Realistically, how long are you looking at before you have grounds to make him leave the marital home???

You must ignore each and every one of his texts. If he approaches you at home, leave the room. If he follows you shut the door. If he presses on, take the kids, get in the car and leave (to the mall, movie, drug store, hotel, whatever)

DO NOT LET HIM BULLY YOU. Do not walk on eggshells for this unbelievable ass of a person.

Sorry you are hurting. It will be a long journey, but you will come out the other side of this a much happier person (and your kids will too)

Futurefear posted 8/15/2014 12:13 PM

He is such a bully and I feel like he has no consequences for his actions at all!
He will not leave the house until he gets his equity however that can take years to hammer out...he is the one that has been hot to trot to get 'this thing going'.
Yes I filed for divorce because he had a girlfriend that he refused to give up. I am reminded of that daily as he texts, talks and leaves to be with her putting our kids after anything to do with her. I am the caregiver for the kids and I hope they realize it someday.
He has no idea what he has done...
By the way...what are crickets? :)

KeepOnMovin posted 8/15/2014 12:32 PM

By the way...what are crickets? :)
Crickets mean silence. no response.

STBXWW's ring tone is crickets. it reminds me not to answer.

As others have responded, it appears he's trying 'to get to you'. know this and try look at it from a 3rd person's point of view. How would you respond to a friend who was telling you she was going through the same scenario.

Let him write, and don't respond. Hell, don't even read it right away. it's not manipulation. it's you not playing his game. you are protecting yourself.

I'm sorry for your in-house separation. it is Hell. we did it for 4 months. things were so much better when STBX finally moved out.

ShiningAutumn8 posted 8/15/2014 15:15 PM

But if you move the divorce along, wont there eventually be a court order telling him to leave the marital home -- as opposed to waiting for his "equity" to come thru?

In my state, you file for a temporary order and the spouse is usually ordered out of home within a week

hopefulmom44 posted 8/15/2014 15:37 PM

I agree with ShiningA. This was exactly my case. He had to move out of the marital home by temporary court order.

[This message edited by hopefulmom44 at 3:37 PM, August 15th (Friday)]

Futurefear posted 8/15/2014 15:46 PM

I meet with my attorney on Tuesday. He has said that he will not move out until I pay him his equity in the house or he is court ordered...either way he is squatting because he can and he knows it.
Legally he can be in the house because his name is on the mortgage. I have no rights to get him out unless I feel I'm in danger. Harassment doesn't count.

Futurefear posted 8/15/2014 15:50 PM

Shining A and HopefulMom-God I hope so. This living in the same house is absolutely ridiculous and isn't healthy for the kids at all! How anyone thinks that this is healthy is beyond me.

gonnabe2016 posted 8/15/2014 18:27 PM

I would emphasize to your L that you need to get some temporary orders in place until the details can be hammered out...........including exclusive use of the home for you and some type of placement schedule so that he can no longer come and go as he pleases.

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