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Stuck Between Divorce & Dissolution

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Adrienne posted 8/15/2014 13:45 PM

My divorce has not been filed (probably for the better now). Long story involving firing my first attorney and getting retainer back for the new attorney, etc. I haven't mentioned my intentions of filing for divorce to WS or anyone else.

An issue came up yesterday with my WS. He mentioned, out of the blue, that if I file for divorce he will go after my 401K and alimony!! My 401K worth 3X what his is and I make more than double my WS's salary. My attorney recommends to go for a dissolution and not file the divorce papers to protect my assets.

That would be great but my husband isn't agreeable to anything, let alone sitting down and dividing assets amicably. I know he doing this so that he can keep the marriage facade going and have his cake and eat it too. He refuses to leave. I keep telling him to go live with his ho but he doesn't want to. Ho keeps begging him to live with her but he always says no. Of course, he loves his nice house. She lives in a bug-infested trailer.

To top it off, he's still giving his ho $500 a week. She has no money or job. Further, she was in a really bad car wreck yesterday and is in the hospital now! Now she will have huge medical bills that will need paid because she doesn't have insurance. I truly think this is why he is plotting how to get more money.

I can't believe this. It totally sucks and keeps getting worse.

He's got me trapped. I'm going to have to start figure out how to play this game differently.


Nature_Girl posted 8/15/2014 14:30 PM

If you can document that he is giving her $500 weekly in outright cash/money/bank transfer/check, then you can legally request to be reimbursed half the amount he's given her. I did this very thing!

You may need to just eat the cost of him taking half of your assets. OR, you can balance that amount with the equity in your home. There are ways to make it work out equitably. Or fairly equitably. Only you can decide if it is worth it.

hopefulmom44 posted 8/15/2014 14:53 PM


My attorney forced STBXWH out of my home. I have not heard of dissolution. Not sure if we have dissolution in my state. I've done the typical divorce mediation and separation of assets this week. Needless to say, there was no agreement on retirement funds so we are going to court. Hang in there.

Phoenix1 posted 8/15/2014 15:19 PM

I went with a dissolution, but that only worked because XPOS was willing to work together in a civil manner. If your WS won't be agreeable, a dissolution is not an option.

If you want him out of your life, you may have to bite the bullet knowing you may have to pay a price to accomplish that. Work with your attorney to strategize for the best possible outcome for you, given your state laws. That is what you pay them for. If you live in an "equitable distribution" state (that is what my state is), keep in mind that it does not mean 50/50, it means fairly distributed in the eyes of the court. That gives you flexibility, like NG said, to find a workable balance. Try to get the proof that he is giving the OW marital assets ($500/week) because that absolutely can be factored into the "equitable distribution" and could become a bargaining chip.

You can also think about marketable value of things like furniture, cars, electronics, etc. You can do a lot of "equitable" maneuvering with those values, i.e., if you are willing to give up some of those things, it gets offset in other areas such as your 401k. Also, check on your state's alimony laws. He may be making a big assumption there, depending on your state laws, because not every state awards it, or for extended periods. For example, in my state it is called "spousal support," and it is only allowed for a maximum of three years and only in cases where the spouse receiving it needs it to get themselves established (most times it requires the receiving spouse to be going to school full time in order to learn a marketable skill and if they stop going to school the SS stops). I had an employee that just went through that very scenario.

Ultimately, you just have to decide what you are willing to "pay" to get out of your bad marital situation.

osxgirl posted 8/15/2014 15:57 PM

Definitely document in any way you can that he is giving her $500 weekly. I can't imagine any judge would look too favorably upon that, and it might help you in the end.

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