I'm in the same boat as you RMarred. I'm fine with living this way, but I don't have any friends. The friends I had that live far away kept in touch for a while but over time the conversing became more and more superficial. And then once facebook came along they just post random crap ("and what's the deal with airline food?"). I would thumbs up them for a while, and leave comments... And then came the day when BW went through my friends list and removed a shit load of people. I've been gone from FB for months now, for all intents and purposes, though I still have my account. No messages from anyone. If not for wanting to view my neighborhood's FB page and notifications from the school district and various news, I would delete the account altogether. Lots and lots of acquaintances, but no real friends. Then The Other Couple came along, and we had friends, and their kids had my son and he had them and we'd cook together and go places and play board games and even the occasional golf him and I. But, of course, his wife and I eventually destroyed all of that.
Now my son cries at night for their kids.
And here we are, sad because we have no close male friends to go bowling with, or go have a beer and throw darts. I work from home (website programming stuff) and can work anywhere. BW asked me if I'd considered moving to another state if there was an awesome opportunity for her to have her own restaurant or w/e. She was speaking hypothetically but I thought about it and was like, well, aside from your mom, there's nothing really keeping us here now. The neighbors are nice enough but I don't feel like they're really friends. They certainly don't invite us to do things with them, though it's nice sitting out front while the kids play. That would be more kids for my son to end up missing. I doubt moving would happen anyway. Just thinking out loud.
It's like an out-of-body experience some days. I feel like I'm floating, outside myself, and watching my daily routine. I love working from home. I commuted 2.5 hours once (NYC to Philadelphia via Amtrak), so I know what a long commute is like. I don't miss traffic or the rat race whatsoever. But I do miss having people to talk to. At least BW gets to go have a beer after work with her coworkers.
So anyway, I know exactly how you feel. Exactly.
Considering the size of our planet, the chance that you live down the road from me in real life is probably pretty slim, otherwise I'd invite you over for a beer and we can feel sorry for ourselves and talk about all the people we ended up hurting without realizing it or meaning to.
On the other hand, being desperate for friends probably isn't the way to make friends either. People want to hang out with someone who has their shit together and doesn't have a lot of drama. Someone that would be a good friend and wouldn't go fuck their wife, in their bed, without them knowing about it. I'm not saying that would happen again, because it never ever will happen again. But, it *did* happen, and now I have to live with that. And, as long as BW wants to spend time with me and our son and do things together, that's the best I think I can hope for. That ship - the friend ship (pun intended) - has sailed I think.
My son is having trouble making new friends too. He has a friend from school that he's been calling on the phone, but the friend doesn't seem to be allowed to call him back. They live close by too. But oh well, I was the one that stepped out of my comfort zone and reached out and called this family on my son's behalf and asked if the kids could get together. The guy said he'd have to talk to his wife and they'd get back to me, but they never did. Story of my life. He's going to a different school this year because they built a new school and moved kids around. I hope he's able to make a new friend. He complains often about not really having friends. I think it's a combination of that and missing AP's kids.
And as hellion as they could be, I miss them too.
We were like family for a while. But, of course, I have my rose colored glasses on right now. AP was manipulative and a liar. She whispered sweet nothings in my wife's ear and my wife always questioned it. Turns out she was whispering them in a lot of ears. Her husband, my friend, wanted *me* and I'm not remotely gay or "curious" (not that there's anything wrong with that). He was also an alcoholic and would complain that I wasn't "keeping up" with him and drinking fast enough. He has a huge fridge stocked full of beer. Enough beer for 100 people in that fridge. I'd be half done with one and he'd be opening the next. When we'd all get drunk, the kids were left mostly alone for hours and hours (we'd check on them periodically, drunkenly), but still.. parenting fail, big time. A 9 year old, an 8 year old, a 6 year old, and a 3 year old. I'm always worried, the more of my story I tell, who's going to piece it all together and identify me. But, I'm pretty sure they're not the forum types and none of you know me anyway.
Well, RMarred, I wasn't going to vent a novel here today. Look what you made me do.
I hope it all works out for us. Here's a virtual light punch on the shoulder for you, bro style. *punch*