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tired girl (original poster member #28053) posted at 8:34 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
Right now I am just too upset to go into details. At this point I believe I am staying. But HL knows that my mind is not made up. Up and down all night with nightmares. He crossed major boundaries at his job. I am devastated. He is going back to IC. I will be back later. 
Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 8:38 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
I'm so sorry to hear this.
Sending you strength and hugs.
(((((tiredgirl)))))
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 9:59 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
((Tired girl)) tears for you. I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.
Hugs
Allornothing ( member #42354) posted at 10:02 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
Me- BS 44
Him- FWH 44
Married 20 years, Together 27
Kids- 24,23,16,15
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 10:07 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
Ohhhh honey no. I'm just so sorry.
We're here for you. (((tg)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 10:09 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 10:09 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
Oh, tg, nothing but hugs. ((((((((tg))))))))
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 10:28 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
(((hugs))) I'm so very sorry.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:41 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 10:48 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
(((tg)))
I'm sorry, that's really awful!! I have to say I'm a bit stunned by this, so I can't imagine how you must feel!
Teach8 ( member #36521) posted at 10:53 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
(((TG))). I am so sorry. I know just how you feel. After 2 years of R my wh chose to delete texts on his phone. I'm heartbroken too. So so sorry!! You aren't alone.
Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 11:03 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
Crap, I am sending you all the strength I can.
(((TG)))
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 11:08 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
BlueinStLou ( member #44416) posted at 11:57 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014
So sorry. (((TG)))
Strength to you. I wish I had better words of wisdom.
DDay1 3/26/2014
DDay2 4/15/2014
DDay 3 7/15/2014
DDay 4 8/15/2014
DDay 5-7 December 2014
DDay 8 - 9/10/15
DDay 9 - 10/15/16
Me BS 42
WH 41
1DD, 2 DS
tired girl (original poster member #28053) posted at 12:02 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
Hl decided to walk right up to the line that I had established in our M and stick a toe if not a whole foot over that line. I am sick today, I can't stop crying. I thought we were over this. I guess not. I don't consider him to have cheated, but it was as close as I care to get. I shook for two hours after getting up this morning. I just don't know. I want to stay, but I don't know if I have it in me again.
Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 12:14 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
Did he come to you with this info? Did he realize what he had done and express remorse/decide on IC himself? I'm so sorry.
The nightmares and and shaking mean you're traumatized and I'm so sad you're living with that again...
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 12:15 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
NoMorDeceit ( member #23547) posted at 1:19 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
((((TG)))) I'm sorry.
I understand about boundary violations. It sucks.
Hang in there. Maybe this will be the "key" to him getting it and getting those boundaries iron-clad...kwim?
I am glad he is going back to IC.
FBS
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled for 8 years. Decided I deserved better than someone who had ever cheated on me. R failed 2/2017. Happy and free. :)
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 2:06 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
I am so sorry.
Take the time you need to decide. Be good to yourself , your growth hasn't been wasted, the work you have done will help you through this.
(((Hugs)))
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
brkn_heartd ( member #30396) posted at 2:09 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
((TG)) Sending you support. I understand the boundary push....I have been there. I also struggled with my next steps when it happened. Only you can decide how you should handle it. Take your time.
Me-57 BS
Him 65-WS
Married 38 yrs, together 40
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10
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