Start of a new week coming. Should have a little time at work to work things out in my head. I have set wife back to the begining. Now I need to start over and go harder.
I will be doing a lot of journal writing this week. It will be easier to write things out as I go. Then give to my wife each day to read. She may not agree with this method but I think it will work best for me to do it this way. When you are one part of a long term affair and the details are hard to remember, I think finding some quite and to focus on that period in time is the best way to go.
The damage I caused a week ago deleting a text. And mistakenly deleting all of them and then trying to cover up my bad choice is going to be bring about a harshness to our marriage we haven't since dday. The memories are flooding back for both of us. She remembers conversations one way and I remember them another.
Her mind is going in so many directions. And she can't wait much longer for answers. I need to stop focusing on the big picture, our marriage and its survival. And focus on my affair. I mean really focus. I have worked so hard at trying to save it. I haven't begun to fix it. And it now starts with me.
Anything new I remember or even just writing out everything I know again. Started a timeline before and got side tracked. May even be the end of our life together as husband and wife. But it may give her mind and heart the peace it needs. I have heard her say before that if this happens again I'm done. And yeah something have happened again. And she's still here. So now its time to stand up and put her feelings before mine no matter the outcome. I will always be a father. And a good one. So no matter what happens I will have them.
My wife is hurting. Really hurting. And its hurting me to know I caused it again. The choices we make in life follow us to the end. How we chose to learn from them determined what that end will be.
Be honest be loyal be loving. May we all be able to find the peace in ourselves to fight the good fight