New here, as at the moment I don't know where else to turn. So please forgive me upfront for not using abbreviations.
Been married for 14 years. We have one child (11 yo). For the majority of the past 11 years (after child) my wife has been in and out of affairs, mainly emotional. Each time there was an excuse. Each time I did what I could to better myself to correct the reason that "caused" her to seek someone else. Five years ago, I took a new job that caused us to relocate. Because at the time, that was the excuse, my job was taking too much of me. We were unable to sell our home in a timely manner for what I wanted for it, so we held into it. When school was out, wife wanted to move back and wanted me to get a job where we lived. So I agreed, to this and sent her and child back to original city in our home. At that time I learned that she was on a dating website. She had herself listed as divorced. I had access to her email account because during a prior affair, I told her that there would be no more secrecy and part of us staying married was she had lost all trust. I began preparation for the inevitable at this time. But there was one problem. We were dead broke, penniless. She had cleaned out our bank accounts and gambled it all away. (+$20k). I was stupid, I know. She had made all of the bills like cell phone and bank statements paperless and they all went to her and I never saw them. I worked as hard as I could at that point to try and figure it all out and make sense of it. For the next 9 months we lived 200 miles apart, I drove "home" every Friday and back every Sunday. I forgave her AGAIN, she said she wanted the marriage. So, I then made probably another stupid move, I stopped paying the mortgage. She had no where to go, except moving back. She did move back and things seemed to get better.
Fast forward to one year ago. I got another job offer in a more desirable location. We moved a year ago and I have now found yet another dating profile of hers. Complete with pictures (which could be quite embarrassing because we live in a town of less than 25k). The profile is full of fabrication. She states she is separated. She lied about her job. She lied about her age. She lied about her education. She does not know I know about the dating profile. I confronted her a few months ago because I saw a text that was sexual I nature and she said I was crazy. It started a big fight. At that time I tried to find a way to just ignore this until I got my head on straight. I found an old cell phone that is still logged in to her email account and I have seen emails to OM. At least once a week she goes out and does not come home until 2-3 in the morning, always drunk. Two months ago she told me and child she was going with friends on a shopping trip. This was a Sunday and my child had a pool party for one of her sports teams. Wife told child she would be there. Well she never came home at all. In fact she texted me late in the night telling me she wanted a divorce. So once again, I made up my mind to pull the plug on it. I got up the following morning and got child ready for the nanny. Child asked for mother and I said nothing. Child is smart and questions late nights and has been acting out lately. I later got an email asking for my help to get counseling for addiction, etc.and she asked what I wanted. I asked her if she wanted out and she said no. I said ok, then the crap must stop.
Confronted her again Friday and she said she had no reason to be unfaithful. Today at church, had a conversation she told me she is a grown woman and she can do what she wants. I said, you are a wife and mother, stop making us an option. She later said she wants to go to counseling and a marriage boot camp. She teaches a Sunday school class and one time a while back, I threw that in her face of how she is able to stand in front of children and talk about God. So obviously our church is not a safe place for me right now, because she is active and has everyone there fooled. I have seen emails to other church members making me out to be a bad guy because our child had a conflict between church camp and sports and I didn't care either way, but the email made me out to be a sports freak parent that didn't care about church.
Now, tonight (Sunday) she went out with a mutual friend (female) but I don't believe her. I don't know when she will be home and she has been texting me throughout the night. I know this is sometimes a tactic to throw me off.
I am a pretty strong person and I started a journal in June logging every night she is gone, where she is and who she says she is with. I have saved emails and text messages to me stating she is depressed, she is suicidal, she is an alcoholic, etc. I so have been taking screen shots if the emails that I have seen between her and OM.
She blames her actions and behavior on menopause. She says I am the only one she wants. Sex is not lacking. On the surface we seem normal. I just try to ignore the behavior and she does not know I know.
I am prepared to see a lawyer. I am going to fight for custody of child. But I am really scared being a M and trying to win a custody fight with a lying narcissist. I am confused between words and actions. Child would be devastated. That is the only reason i stay for now, to keep some type of normalcy for child. I have lost all fight in me. I don't have any desire confronting her anymore. I simply try to focus on my child and my job and try not to fear each night she comes home drunk.
Am I an idiot?
Sorry for the long story, thanks for reading. I hope someone can shed some light because I really have no where to turn at the moment. I am not involving any family at the moment, although I think they know. My parents do not care for my wife and I think it's because they see right through her.
[This message edited by Hoosierbuckeye at 9:37 PM, August 17th (Sunday)]