Libs -- look for the bubbles and follow them to the top.
Do NOT allow this abusive man to suck you back in.
If this f'n guy has TRULY hit rock-bottom, then he wouldn't be handing YOU a checklist of what YOU need to work on. The *truth* of his rock-bottom is:
HE HAS NO PLACE TO GO!!!!
Honestly, I don't think you're feeling bad for him so much as feeling bad for yourself (and I don't mean that in a "stop your pity-party" way). I mean it as *you* know that you guys could have a good life is he wasn't so fucked up. But he is.
Having compassion is a good thing....until you run into a person who uses your compassionate nature against you.
The only people that I can feel *active compassion* for are the ones who are actively working on themselves in an effort to make themselves better.
I will offer a hand to someone in need, but if that person is not making MORE of an effort to *right* his/her situation than I am? Gonna's *out*. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll be full for a lifetime.
Instead of spending time looking for dates on OLD, go to websites that will educate and strengthen you. Al-anon. Baggage reclaim. Psychopathy awareness. Outtathefog. Or ANY domestic violence websites you can find. (he may not be a psychopath or have a personality disorder, but he is abusive and there are parallels. There are resources on those sites that offer guidance on detachment and resisting his *lures*.
I hope he doesn't do anything bad, like drink again
Gently Libs, whether he drinks again or not is all on him. Your action or inaction is not a factor here. If he is not committed to his own sobriety for his own reasons, then he will find ANY excuse to drink.
I know I don't want to go back to that old life
This is the key. You don't want what you had. Start working on detachment, and begin with NC. Let him know that you will only correspond with him about the logistics of finances/kids and do not engage with him about any issues outside of those. This means that you engage if he says "I'll be there for the boys at 4", but you don't engage if he says "liberty, you need to think about how <this> affects the boys."
He says he still loves me and is in love with me.
By saying this to you, he is abusing you. He is trying to manipulate you. He most likely does love you....but it is in a very, very, very dysfunctional way that is detrimental to YOUR emotional health.
It's hard, Lib, really hard to pull away from this type of dysfunction. But if you don't, you are only enabling him and you are destroying yourself. Be fair to YOU. Be good to YOU.
YOU are the one person in the world that you KNOW you can count on.
{{{hugs}}}