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Wife heard from the other betrayed spouse

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sorrowfulmate posted 8/19/2014 05:25 AM

After sending two letters to my LTAP's BS he finally contacted my wife last night.

Lots of different feelings but the one that is getting to me is that OBS has become a real person to me.

Instead of someone who was mentioned by my LTAP he became flesh and blood, a real man, with a life, and kids.

He told my wife that him and his wife are separated. It happened before he got her letter, but he said that her letter confirmed that he couldn't stay married to her.

Lots of different feelings on my part right now. When I heard my wife read his texts to me I wanted to apologize to him. He said he doesn't think too highly of me (I don't feel to highly of myself right now either) and Its not time for that.

Many of you know I am back in a 12 step program, so when I get to the appropriate point in my program I will send him a letter apologizing for my part in the destruction of his marriage.

I know I am not the only reason why they have split, but I am one of the reasons and right now I feel terrible about it. Today it was proven again about how terrible the destruction of infidelity is.

I am proud of my wife for reaching out to him. It was the right thing to do.

Deeply Scared posted 8/19/2014 06:22 AM


It sounds like you and your wife are facing things together, as a team. That's really powerful and even though hurt feelings are at the surface, be proud of the steps you've made

DrJekyll posted 8/19/2014 08:02 AM

And now the waiting for the unknown is over. Stay strong. Congrats to you both.

sorrowfulmate posted 8/20/2014 16:18 PM

The last couple of days have been emotional. Today its been more "Existing" than anything. Waiting for the day to end.

Probably just getting dealing with the emotional strain of the contact by the OBS.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 8/20/2014 16:56 PM

when I get to the appropriate point in my program I will send him a letter apologizing for my part in the destruction of his marriage.
Only if it won't cause further hurt, right?

It's okay to be flat for a day or two, then you have to get back up and start living again.

sorrowfulmate posted 8/21/2014 11:36 AM

True, I have to remember that part of it.

caspers1wish posted 8/21/2014 16:00 PM

I think it's totally normal to feel emotionally drained from the day, for both of you. It's a cycle, the weight and dread, feeling flat because of emotional overload, and you'll find in a few days, you'll start to feel better now that the weight has lifted and you've had time to process. I hope you all take time to just be gentle with each other and proud that you were a team in this.

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