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Talk me out of it?

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Jls0320 posted 8/19/2014 08:49 AM

I have screenshots of texts convos between stbx and I that I so badly want to send to OW, pretty much saying she's nothing to him and he wouldn't mind getting rid of her if I would take him back. She thinks they are in love lol and I want to burst her whore bubble so bad. Talk me out of sending them?

Softcentre posted 8/19/2014 08:55 AM

Umm, I'm not the person to ask for help on this!

It comes down to whether you want the drama? Whether you want to split them up?

ChangeMaker posted 8/19/2014 09:28 AM

I would not do this. It'll likely make him fight you harder for divorce.

Just bask in the continuing dishonesty and lack of character. The best punishment for her seems to be... well... him!

7yrsflushed posted 8/19/2014 09:31 AM

If you are in the middle of the D process don't do it now. Save them, finalize your D, and THEN if you still feel like forwarding go ahead and send them. For now focus on getting through the D.

Jls0320 posted 8/19/2014 09:56 AM

We are divorcing he does not have a lawyer and is delaying the divorce saying we are trying to reconcile, but is still w OW

osxgirl posted 8/19/2014 11:03 AM

This has got to be one of the things I hated most that my X did after DDay. The "I want to be with you but I can't give her up unless I know..."

It's telling you that he wants to make it a competition between the two of you. He is asking you to compete for him.

A favorite movie quote of mine: "The only winning move is not to play."

That's my long-winded way of saying don't bother. Assuming she knows he's married, she's shown that she doesn't have much self-respect. Sending this to her will likely just ramp up the drama. She'd probably just accuse you of faking the messages... or she'll say that he's just stringing you along to make you more amenable in the D process... or some other BS like that.

And it gives him ego-kibbles. Because trust me, if you send that to her, it will get back to him.

Besides, don't ruin your best chance at revenge. He's doing this to you now. He's talking about throwing her under the bus while keeping her hanging on. It's obvious to me that the best punishment for her is to KEEP him!

sparkysable posted 8/19/2014 11:11 AM

I would send them, but I'm a bitch like that

betrayedpregnant posted 8/19/2014 15:35 PM

i'm with sparkysable

KeepOnMovin posted 8/19/2014 16:02 PM

A favorite movie quote of mine: "The only winning move is not to play."
War Games with Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy, right?

that's actually a good quote. never would have thought about it applying to everyday life. i will remember that. thanks!

osxgirl posted 8/19/2014 16:57 PM

@KeepOnMovin

Yep, "War Games". And I think the quote works well for a lot of things, but especially dealing with the crazy of infidelity.

mamazen posted 8/19/2014 17:18 PM

Can't advise you to send them or not, but I'll tell you my experience with matters like this…

I went through a "crazy period" for a couple months after d-day. She was a family friend, so I have her cell number. I texted her a photo of gay prostitute websites that I found on WH's computer (really; a complete shock to me), with some words like;" I have proof, better get tested…" She then blocked my texts. (I had sent her a couple earlier ones saying leave my kids alone, but that last one was the clincher. I know she blocked me because I texted later some proof of financial shenanigans on his part, but I never heard back about it (and I KNOW I would have if she got it)).

On Valentine's day I phoned her, she didn't recognize me (I was speaking her foreign language, and she isn't used to that), then when she finally figured it out I cackled in English "he's cheating on you! We are fucking!!!" She promptly hung up.

Then immediately that day, my WH put back ON his caller ID….seems that the absent caller ID from my workplace matched what showed from WH cellphone--so she thought it was him calling her….. Also that day WH contacted my best friend, a psychoanalyst, and told her I had lost it and was going to kill myself (not true, but she panicked when I was unreachable at work).

So now, I can't contact her if I want to. And, every time my WH calls me I am reminded that she is more important than me bc he turned on his caller ID for her (I had bugged him about doing that during the M, but he never did it). On snarky days, I answer his calls imitating her in the foreign way she says "allo?" Drives him nuts...

So the bottom line is that I burned my bridges. I'd love to contact her again, but the only way now is to mail a snail mail letter. (Saving that for after D).

So, think about it if you send it. You may want to keep it in your back pocket for a perfect time.

Jls0320 posted 8/19/2014 19:16 PM

I decided not to send, most of you are right she deserves him. It also appears she's still engaged? And married to her ex lol. God they are trash and so not worth my time and energy. I'm a much bigger person than they are and sending those will make me look petty and like I'm fighting for him and I don't want him! I will keep them saved though lol

kernel posted 8/19/2014 20:13 PM

Good for you. No sense in petting the drama llama - you never know if it will spit on you. Stay detached.

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