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Newest Member: Hopeindarktimes (49830)

User Topic: How Often Did You Go to Counseling in the Beginning?
♀ 44452
Member # 44452
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH (EA - DD Sunday, 8/10) and I had our first MC appointment on Thursday, 8/14. At the appointment, he floored me by announcing he doesn't know what love is and doesn't know if he ever loved me (after 17 years of marriage). He even talked to his dad about love in general weeks before.

Anywho, after our 90-minute MC appointment, he was set up for an IC appointment the next week and I called and set one up for myself as well.

Follow me so far?

The last five days have been SO LONG. I want him to dive in and get rolling. I want something to do as well - whether it's for myself or my marriage, just something to make me feel like I'm progressing.

Should I be asking about twice-weekly appointments instead or is weekly normal because it gives us time to process in between?

Maybe I'm just impatient.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Aug 2014
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think weekly is great place to be. He does need some time on his own to think over his sessions and to change his behavior.

I know the waiting is tough.

DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4533 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to IC 2x weekly for many months.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went once a week for the first few months, and this was based upon what my IC thought I needed. I think the IC can usually give you a pretty good gauge on how frequent the appointments should be. Maybe you should ask him/her at your next appointment?

Best of luck!

Posts: 17041 | Registered: Dec 2010
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For IC?I had 2 appointments per week, but they were back-to-back; one focused on biofeedback, and the other was more traditional IC.

I would not attend MC with someone who did not know whether he loved me; I would want him in IC until he got a grasp on his feelings. And I'd be in IC, too.

MC without remorse is not only a waste of time and money, but also potentially very injurious to the BS.

It might be normal for your husband to be confused. But that's an issue for IC.

BS-me, 53
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS19
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 11702 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ 44452
Member # 44452
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We did MC the first round, solus, because I thought it was all about the EA. When he dropped the love bomb, he was set up for IC and I set an appointment for me as well.

Thanks for your input, everybody!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Aug 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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