SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Am now a "madhatter"

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Pages: 1 · 2

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 10:46 AM

I cheated on WH/BH on Friday. I slept with a married man.

I don't want to make excuses. I did it deliberately.

I didn't break it off until today. It was bringing me down even further. I was just released from the psych. unit, my mother has serious health issues, and I started self harming after I started talking to AP.

I'm going to tell my husband when he comes home for lunch in about 20 minutes.

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 11:13 AM

Some more info. I don't work or know AP. We used aliases and only communicated on kik.

I just told BH the news.

20WrongsVs1 posted 8/20/2014 11:24 AM

((katie))

Stick around, let us know how it's going, I'm sure things may be very tumultuous for awhile in the Butler household. Take care of yourself. Can you bring in a close relative, to help care for the children?

This may sound like a 2x4 but it's not meant that way. You said it was deliberate. For revenge, I'm guessing. And I'm guessing revenge is not tasting so sweet right now. I'm sorry your circumstances were such that you thought having sex with someone else's husband was a good idea. When you, of all people, know what the fallout can be like.

Aubrie posted 8/20/2014 11:25 AM

Your life just got a whole lot more complicated.

I don't work or know AP. We used aliases and only communicated on kik.
May not be much of a consolation. While some people cannot deal with the fact it was a neighbor or friend or relative, others have just as hard of a time over some random stranger.

You are welcome in Wayward. However there is also a thread in ICR specifically for MHs. You are totally going to need their advice and expertise in navigating this.

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 12:13 PM

C

an you bring in a close relative, to help care for the children?

No, I have no one around who can help me. I mean other than BH who helps me as much as he possibly can.

You said it was deliberate. For revenge, I'm guessing. And I'm guessing revenge is not tasting so sweet right now. I'm sorry your circumstances were such that you thought having sex with someone else's husband was a good idea. When you, of all people, know what the fallout can be like.

The other BS wasn't on my mind at all, nor was BH. When I was talking to AP and even when I slept with him nothing was on my mind except the need to feel wanted and desired.
I did feel justified having an affair but I didn't do it for revenge. I did it because I don't feel like me anymore. I'm an empty shell of my former self. I feel nothing. I thought this would make me feel something. Excited, wanted, liked. It made me feel even more empty though. I was just a whore to him. I wanted him to like me even though I didn't like him.

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 12:45 PM

mods, you can remove the stop sign.

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 14:26 PM

So, where do I go from here?

I confessed everything to BH and am willing to give him full transparency.

I go to IC sometime this week to start EMDR therapy. I'll bring up my infidelity. I'm also going to call our MC and tell her as well.

I just feel so lost right now.

tired girl posted 8/20/2014 14:33 PM

Oh hon,

I know exactly where you are. It sounds like exactly what I did. Mine was very deliberate and I didn't know or have a relationship with mine either. And yes it made it much worse for me. I felt much worse, like a shell afterwards. I am so sorry that you are in this place. Wayward is a good place for you right now. Stick around so you can start putting yourself back together.

I am giving you a giant hug right now ((((())))

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 15:04 PM

Thanks for the support.
I've been so focused on my issues nothing else seemed to matter. BH is worried about me. I cheated and he's worried about me. I never thought I was this selfish.

tired girl posted 8/20/2014 15:13 PM

Either did I when I did it. A very good friend of mine used to say on here that pain has a way of making us narcissistic. We can only see ourselves and what is happening within us when we are in pain. You need to start looking at what coping skills you were using when you decided to do this.

Do you feel depressed?

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 15:17 PM

Yes, I have major depression. I was in the hospital for planning my suicide.

deb3129 posted 8/20/2014 15:20 PM

Hugs. I also suffer from major depression, and am a betrayed spouse. What you did is terrible, but I can understand. Just take deep breaths, do what you need to do to get yourself help, and to help your WH/BH.

tired girl posted 8/20/2014 15:23 PM

Did they get you started on some meds for that? I was the same way, I actually believe I was suffering from it prior to what I did, it got much worse after what I did, and I became suicidal as well afterwards. I was put on meds and it got better. This can get better. I am here four years out and I can tell you that my life is better, for me. I am a stronger, healthier person.

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 15:33 PM

Zoloft and trazodone.

tired girl posted 8/20/2014 15:37 PM

It probably is not helping a whole lot yet I imagine. Are you and your H able to put some of the really hard discussions off for maybe a week until you are doing better?

LosferWords posted 8/20/2014 16:15 PM

Hi katiescarlett. Just sending you some support as another madhatter. Once you get your mood stabilized, it will be time to work on yourself, but the good news is that coming out here and talking about it is a big first step. Confessing to your BH was the right thing to do. That was another huge step. You've made some painful and destructive choices, but you are now on the path to healing. I am so glad you have sought help for your depression. That is something that I had to do as well, through both IC and antidepressant medication.

I agree with everything TG is saying here.

Take care, and know that we are here for you to help you work through all of this, every step of the way.

katiescarlett posted 8/20/2014 16:24 PM

It probably is not helping a whole lot yet I imagine. Are you and your H able to put some of the really hard discussions off for maybe a week until you are doing better?

No, it has not made much of a difference for me. I'm hoping EMDR helps because at this point I'm really considering traveling to a bigger city to receive ECT.

At this point, BH is more worried about my own mental health and well being than my affair. He was grateful that I told him. I really thought of keeping it a secret and sparing him. He has a lot on his plate with me and the boys.

Unagie posted 8/20/2014 19:01 PM

I did EMDR and it was probably the one that helped me the most. Lean on us if you need to and get yourself stabilized first. The hard work that's coming is well, hard and you need to be able to handle it. Good for you for confessing.

redsox13 posted 8/20/2014 19:05 PM

I am the BS of a ws who attempted suicide. I would make sure your BS knows how serious your depression is.

I am tempted to suggest that either you should go back to the hospital or try to see a Psychiatrist tomorrow. I have learned the hard way just how serious depression is.

((((Katiescarlett))))

rachelc posted 8/20/2014 20:24 PM

Thank you for taking the stop sign off so I can post.
First hugs!!!!
I'm a mad hatter too but your journey is one like TG's so you should listen to her.
You've hit rock bottom my dear. You can only go up from here.
You will grown and change and learn and every day you are further from the awful choice you made, you will feel better. This is time to figure out you! Clarify your values. What is important to you? You, married or not. What kind of person do you want to be???
As you live being that person you will feel like you have integrity. Really... It's the only thing you have in this world. This will be a long journey. But one you can do.
Get the help you need now to stabilize.
Is there one MH on here that hasn't contemplated suicude? I don't know.... But we're here for you!
Hugs!!!

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:25 PM, August 20th (Wednesday)]

Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.